You’re doing life wrong if you wear a coat on a night out
Baby, it’s cold outside
As soon as it turned November you were suddenly faced with an important decision- do you brave the bitter chill of Concert Square without a coat and risk pneumonia? Or, do you wear a coat and risk the judgment of everyone around you?
The answer is, of course, to ditch the womens jackets and dance your way back to warmth as soon as you hit Heebies’ dance floor. Coats are completely pointless on nights out.
First of all, coats do not go with your LBD. You’ve spent hours getting ready, applying fake tan and adjusting your cleavage, only to cover it under your giant winter coat. Shops don’t tend to sell coats with going out in mind, or if they do they’re so thin they’re not worth wearing anyway. Save yourself an outfit disaster and go without.
If you do make the poor decision to wear a coat, you’re then stuck having to carry it around with you through warm and sweaty clubs. You can’t dance with your arms caged by your thick fluffy coats that weighs almost as much as you do. You can’t awkwardly tie it around your waist without ruining your outfit and having to readjust it every 30 seconds, and you definitely can’t leave it on without over heating before you can even get your first drink. Your only other option is to face the dreaded cloakrooms.
Cloakrooms are not just a hassle, they’re an expensive one. You have to go through the the effort of getting your coat checked in, and then you have to pay for it with money you’d much rather spend on your next double. And then you have to remember to collect it at the end of the night when everyone is already on their way to Krunchy Fried Chicken. Think how long the queue is going to be by the time you finally make it there. Is it worth it? No.
You can’t wear a coat out without being judged for it by your northern mates. Girls from the north wear skimpy tops and no tights all year round. It can be -5 and the middle of a blizzard and your mate from Manchester will still insist it’s not even cold. It’s probably colder where she’s from anyway. She’s lying, of course, she’s freezing her tits off, but the point still stands that you can’t wear a coat with out facing the ridicule of the winter hardened northerners.
There are plenty of alternatives to wearing a coat out. Get drunk enough and you’ll be perfectly warm all night. Shots are the perfect way to warm yourself up from the inside out, so stop at every bar on the way to Level for some tequila. Cold weather is the perfect excuse to grab the nearest guy or gal and cosy up to them in an effort to steal their precious body heat. Convince your boyfriend, flat mate, or the guy you just met on the street to lend you their jacket until the second you get into a club, and then pass the responsibility back to them. As long as you keep dancing, you’ll keep warm.