Every person you will meet in the Sydney Jones

We love the Sydney Jones Library.

However, we’ve discovered we often find ourselves “studying” in certain areas of our beloved Harold Cohen-hating stronghold instead of other parts of the library. Therefore we’ve come up with a comprehensive guide to the type of people you meet in the SJ night and day.

Social Area 

These are the people who arrive with good intentions but then lock eyes with their mate across the gates and it falls to shit. “Come sit over here for five! We’ll get some work done and catch up”. They agree naïvely. Three hours and 70 words later they might as well have stayed in bed, but they are fully up to date with Emma who they lived with in first year’s love life. She’s been through a lot okay?

Sofas 

People who sit on the sofas don’t even plan to do work. They only sit there to watch people fall up and down the stairs, which admittedly is hilarious and passes the time. Usually, they don’t even have work with them, they sit in packs laughing about all the fun they have doing no work. They’re not necessarily a masochist, but they do bloody love a good fall down the stairs. There’s always a student on the phone too, looking pensive but probably planning where they’re going to elevate their stresses that night: Raz or Brooklyn? Classic.

Computer Suite

Whether there’s that little section to add to an internship application or frantically rushing to print off that dissertation piece within five minutes before the deadline, the Computer Suite is for those people who have very little time on their hands. The computers exchange users as frequently as your average amount of pulls at the Raz – and that’s a lot. You’ll often find people circling particular sections of the suite in order to pressure the students in those particular areas to hurry the fuck up because they’re are no computers available – there’s  always that one bellend who’ll sit in the corner playing video games when you need the computer more. The people you meet here don’t have enough time to sit and chat; don’t you dare take the piss at the printers, they’ll bite your head off.

Grove Wing 

People who go to the Grove Wing are people who have to write a 4000 word essay for the next day and have gone to the library for a serious writing sesh – at least that’s what they tell you. In actual fact, it’s all a guise for the seemingly lack of work they actually do. To be fair to them, they do get some work done. Not without the constant psychological cycle along the lines of “I’m so stressed and being stressed is making me not work, and then I’m even more stressed ‘cos I haven’t got anything done yet” – they’re definitely the most fucked up people you’ll meet in the SJ.

However, there’s a difference between first and second floor. On first, you’ll see loads of people pretending they’re doing loads of work and getting really stressed out about it, when actually they’re just watching Youtube videos on how to make the ultimate pasta bake (this has actually been spotted). Second floor of the wing is for those people who have extra dedication to the lie of working or completing that all-nighter – those stairs are killer.

The Abercromby Wing

Students who work here come for the silence. They are the Queen of the bitchy side-eye when someone breathes just a little bit above audible levels. They are a passionate advocate of this area so much so they never tell anyone they work here because there is always a space, and they don’t want that to be taken away from them. They also come for the spacious tables that admittedly don’t have any plug sockets. But they don’t mind because they tend to be an architect or an artist who resents modern technology and loves a table to be a fecking table. None of the invasive electronic shit on your desk – space is hella important. These students tend to be most dickish in the library, they’ll be prepared to take it outside if you accidentally touch “their side” of the desk. Just leave them be.

Study Rooms

Two very distinguishing types of people are found in these sweaty, cramped, claustrophobic rooms: study groups who have booked this specific room for weeks on end, and those that just give up finding a seat in the library and take a chance by hoping that no one has actually booked the room. No one really knows much about them, but they always look busy.

Outside

Images of the people you see here lying back on those uncomfortable metallic chairs, having lost count of which fag they are now chain smoking, slowly crying into their notes, are found right next to the dictionary definition of “procrastination.” That “quick fag break” they were going to have before they stumbled across every man and his dog they’ve ever met has allowed them to have completed absolutely bugger all work in the past half an hour. Their motto in life is: “panic, panic, panic…smoke, smoke, smoke…cry, cry cry…” If you come across them, give them a hug and tell them “all will be okay.” But don’t give them too much love, they’ve been there for longer than they admit. Bless ’em.