It’s time someone said it: Liverpool uni is better than Manchester

It’s the only uni worth going to in the North


It’s time to address the age old rivalry between our universities that stretches right back to the beginning of time itself. 

Manchester’s students big the place up so much-  claiming it’s the edgiest, funnest and coolest with the best nightlife. But realistically, it’s overrated and has got nothing on Liverpool uni.

Here is why our beloved uni shit’s all over theirs. Bring it on you UoM bastards.

Our nights out are better

Whether you’re after a cheap night at Cava or The Raz or a classy cocktail evening at the Docks, Liverpool is well and truly the place to be. A Trip Advisor survey put Liverpool in the top spot for nights out, above not only Manchester (obvs) but London too.

Head down to Concert Square, get your £1 shots in and stumble from bar to bar without stressing about how you’re getting home (because everything is so close together, take that Deansgate Locks!)

We’ve got something for everyone, too. Want edgy vibes and wavey garms? Head to the Baltic Triangle. After some classic house? Cream has got you covered. More of a RnB fan? Take yourself to the first floor of Level. You get the message – we’re great.

Level beats Manchester clubs

Level beats Manchester clubs

Scousers are fab, Mancunians are gross

Scousers over Mancunians any day. Where else in the UK can you walk into a shop of any kind and leave knowing all about the cashier’s name, address, what their Aunt Julie is doing for Christmas and their opinion on Kanye running for president? Scousers as a whole are some of the friendliest people around and you will consequently never feel a stranger in the city. Their nonchalant attitude to life and seemingly uncaring opinions on people judging them allows them to be free as a liver bird and walk around town in their pyjamas and rollers with not a care in the world.

WORRA LOOKIN AT? ME HAIRS BOSS

WORRA LOOKIN AT? ME HAIRS BOSS

Scouse culture wins

Culture in Liverpool is boss. We have the Albert Dock, the Cavern Club and of course the Lambanana – could Liverpool be any more cultural? With so much to show for itself it’s no wonder we won City of Culture in 2008. The museums which don’t actually make you want to kill yourself give you something great to distract your parents with when they visit and you’re trying to disguise your hangover. No one can deny the amazing multi-culturalism present throughout the city.

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TAB LAMBANANA

Taking poor quality photos on the lambanana is just a common fixture of every night out

We do drugs better than you

Credit where credit’s due, you do have Warehouse Project. But is your rave scene as diverse as ours? I think not. We have everything from deep house at Chibuku to jazzy funk with Abandon Silence. And don’t even get us started about how insane the venues of 24 Kitchen St, Camp & Furnace and Garage are in Liverpool. Most importantly, you can get completely off your face in full knowledge that the quality of the drugs are better and safer here. We are a port city rife with purer drugs that haven’t been tainted with other products that you’d get in Manc or other cities in the North. Fabulous.

Our gay town is friendlier, smaller and crazier

Yes you have Canal Street, stop being so anal about it. Our gay town is based in Stanley St Quarter and filled with Scousers who are the friendliest people ever. Have any of your drag queens won the opportunity to be a RuPaul’s Drag Race Ambassador? No, didn’t think so. Speaking of drag queens, there’s this beauty in GBar that gets you a free shot if you show them your dick – how great is that? Garlands is as iconic a venue as your fecking G-A-Y and we have some absolute gems such as Superstar Boudoir and Pink where being shameful is both encouraged and praised. Drinks prices are considerably cheaper than on Canal St as well. You lot need to get off your high horse and assumption that all the best gay times happen in Manchester because, babe, we’re better than you.

WE'RE HAPPY BECAUSE WE'RE GOING GAY TOWN

WE’RE HAPPY BECAUSE WE’RE GOING GAY TOWN

We’re better at sports

So far this year, points on the BUCS score board are few and far between for Manc and L’pool. Like, yeah UoM are pretty decent at football, but how mainstream can you get? Liverpool are owning when it comes to futsal, golf and netball.

Here’s an informative chart from the British Universities and College Sports League Table:

UoL

UoM
Fencing 61 47.5
Futsal 50 26
Gaelic Football 23 0
Golf 26 13
Netball 66 56
Rugby League 22 21
Squash 59 54
Water Polo 62 59
Total 369 276.5

Also Liverpool beat Man City last weekend, sorry not sorry.

Liverpool foxes

Liverpool is cheaper

Where in Manchester can you leave pre’s with £10 and come back hammered, on the phone to your ex with scran and a fiver? Nowhere, that’s where. And in case you do have to get a taxi – give Delta a ring and they’ll get you home for rarely more than a quid each, easy. Manchester taxis are so flaming expensive, they’re more like London prices. You wouldn’t dare spend more than a tenner (even that’s a push) to get home from a night out in the ‘pool, whereas in Manc you spend a hell of a lot more getting to and from a venue – is a night at Factory really worth spending 20 quid to get back from?

The average cost per week of student housing in Liverpool is £55. What a bargain. For that you get a bed, a desk, a wardrobe (or a clothes rail, but remember, £55) and the pleasure of living with other students who love Liverpool as much as you do. Your eight bed house off Smithdown Road will not only be the cheapest place you ever live, but also the best. Our house parties in these huge old converted Georgian houses are boss by the way.

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#notamodel

Manchester, your uni is so not a campus

What even is the Manchester campus?

We tried to work it out, it just doesn’t make sense. How do they get to lectures, they all live so far away? We UoL students should be so glad we don’t roam around a boot shaped campus that is mixed in with public streets. I can just imagine how busy it can get.

Being a true campus university, we have everything you’ll ever need for your degree within walking distance – pint a milk from Tesco? Pumpkin Spice Latte? We’ve got you covered. Where better to enjoy your Pumpkin Spice Latte than in our amazing Abercromby Square? It’s got to be up there with the most aesthetic places in Liverpool – perfect for chilling, studying or having sex.

Also have we mentioned we’re the original redbrick university? The guild is pretty sick too. There is a society for everyone – we even stretch as far as beekeeping and quidditch. Not to mention all of the amazing gigs on offer throughout the year, starting with Lethal Bizzle and SubFocus during freshers and Stereophonics this coming Thursday.

liverpool

Ella Bytheway-Jackson sums it up: “basically, we’re swag as fuck.”

Manchester, we challenge you to fight back and show us what you’re made of.