Nutty second year banished to Carnatic after being kicked out of Vine Court

It was the newest build on campus at the time, so no wonder an eager fresher signed herself up to live in the palace of Vine Court.

Little did she know it would be the start of her fall from grace, and she’d be exiled to Carnatic: Salisbury Hall, to be precise. English student Eleanor Hancock, now in second year, was desperate to stay in her luxury lifestyle, right in the heart of campus and a stone’s throw away from Concert Square. Life at Carnatic looked like a life of peasantry, with daily pilgrimages on the 699 to the motherland.

Bubbly Eleanor was banished to Carnatic after making a huge crazy golf course, but the deportation opened her eyes to some serious issues, like the wealth gap between students. To the horror of many, she now openly confesses Carnatic is the superior hall.

Eleanor (right)

So dark, so solemn

Speaking exclusively to The Tab, she said: “I don’t think the hall manager at Vine Court liked the crazy golf course I built in the corridor, using the furniture from my lounge, but hey, you cant please everyone.

“At first I was afraid about moving to the other side. I was petrified, and kept thinking of the worst throughout the taxi ride. But then I spent so many nights thinking about how Vine Court did me wrong and I grew strong, and I learned how to get along… at Carnatic.”

She added: “I soon realised Carnatic was a better place to be – and I really, really mean this – the main reason being the price. Not to get too explicit or personal, but the costs of living at Vine Court are absolutely fucking ridiculous.”

Known within her friendship group as a very active, loud and proud leftie, Eleanor quickly brought up a political aspect to her hall transition:

“If there was ever a way to build a gap between the rich and the poor at the University, it was to build a massively expensive halls and leave the off-campus ones crumbling away, at a more reasonable cost. Perhaps they think because they are out the way nobody cares? But why is it like that? Vine Court attracts snobs – yeah, I said it.”

Life at Vine Court suffocated Eleanor, who couldn’t bare the senseless conversations about money.

She said: “I got fed up of the mindless chatter about ‘daddy’s new Bentley’, or ‘my second car better be faster than my current Audi’. You see my point? I made a lot of good, good friends there, but it highlighted the appalling wealth gap on a wider scale, in the UK.”

We asked Eleanor what some of the worst things about living in Vine Court were: “The RAs at Vine Court treat their night-time patrols as something like a military procedure. We’re all over 18 now, do we really need this invasion of privacy? If I want to pre-drink in a large group, god-dammit I will pre-drink with a large group.

“For £7,000 a year, I think you should be able to do whatever you want, but hey, that’s me. Stricter rules equals less fun. It’s a simple, maths equation really.”

Eleanor now

The second year also prefers the leafy suburbs of Carnatic: “Vine Court has nowhere to chill. They did have a bench outside, but they removed it because  people were smoking naughty substances on it. Shock horror.

“At Carnatic, you are surrounded by the wilderness, which attracts countless opportunities for fun and mischief. I once tried to get a shower to find it covered in mud. My fellow Carnatic friend informed me someone had been ‘shagging outside in a bush after the Raz, and bought the mud back inside with them’. Really, you couldn’t even make that up.

“We need space to enjoy the rare British sun, we need to drink cider in the heat. It’s simply non negotiable. It goes against everything we know as British people if we cannot do this. At Vine Court, you can enjoy Abercrombie Square, but you aren’t going to be allowed to get pissed and shag about in the mud. And that’s no fun is it?”

But that’s not the only thing which crowns Carnatic as Eleanor’s saving grace. The food, despite what you might think, is apparently scrummier over in Smithdown.

You telling me this is value for money?!

“The food is better at Carnatic. There were more options on a day to day basis, and for some unknown but glorious reason, the people of Carnatic were blessed with the choice of having Marmite with their toast. These little sachets of Marmite never graced Vine Court with their presence.

“Carnatic is better. The atmosphere is a lot more chilled out, and fewer snobs go to Carnatic. It’s further out but who goes to lectures in first year anyway? Getting the bus into town is all part of the fun, chanting on the 699 is a great warm up for a rowdy night out and let’s be honest – this is Liverpool. The rowdier the better.”