Pre-drinks: the highlight of the night

Catching a glimpse of one’s scraggy features upon stumbling past the mirror after a night out is a truly horrific moment; chicken grease and chunder strewn down your glad rags, hair disjointed from its usual pristine fashion and bags under your eyes that weigh a ton.

So why do we put ourselves through this when we were comfortably joyous merely hours ago in our warm homes?

Ladies and gentlefolks, I bestow upon you a simple yet revolutionary idea: don’t ACTUALLY go out on a night out, pre-drinks are the best.

You may be thinking I’m a Ted Mosby short of a How I Met You Mother episode, but bear with me. Here’s why…

Hang the DJ

It is enormously frustrating when a DJ blatantly ignores a song request, or even worse, ending up in a club playing music so bad that a sudden urge washes over you, goading you to punch a bouncer just to escape the screeching pain of Lady Gaga’s voice.

That’s why pre-drinks are so much better. Every song is a floor-filler, every song is a “Chuuune”, and every song makes your toes tap and your vocal chords tingle.

Requests are not ignored by some pretentious failed musician who sells car insurance during the week.

Just a shot taken in my living room during my pre-drinks set…

Not music to my ears

Continuing with the musical theme, there’s nothing worse than waking up to the ringing of a thousand chapel bells in your ears after a night in a club.

It perplexes me that bars feel the need to play music to volumes that equal nuclear explosions.

At least at pre-drinks a conversation can be held between two people without having to compete with the sound of Kim Jong-un’s favourite pastime.

Olympic Drinking Games

Pre-drinks offer a welcome refuge for the unfortunate being who looks more like Boris Johnson than Beyoncé when attempting to throw some shapes on the club dance floor.

Classics like Beer Pong and Ring of Fire allow the dance vampires to recoil from the Robot and instead indulge themselves in activities that are perfect for breaking the ice and getting absolutely lampshaded!

Inclusive fun for all the family.

I’m British…but I don’t queue

Queues for the bar in a club are extremely tedious, fractious and joy-sapping places.

Ignorant bar staff ignore you if you have a bra size under a C, arrogant blokes see an elbow to the ribs as appropriate queuing etiquette and the spillage of four pounds worth of your £8 pint as you make your way from your bar is an inevitability.

In contrast, the only trouble at a pre-drinking session in getting a drink involves finding a glass…

Beer without the tears

Finally, and most importantly, pre-drinks are cheap!

You don’t need to take a mortgage out for a drink, you don’t have to extend an overdraft to pay entry into an overrated club and you certainly don’t have to dip into your inheritance to pay for an obnoxious taxi driver to get you home to your bed: crawling upstairs suffices.

Concert Sqaure or bed? I know which I’d choose…

So tonight students of Liverpool boycott your trip into town and instead, gather yourselves in a room full of cheap alcohol, good music and your favourite people. After all, aren’t they the three pathways to happiness?

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