A guide to surviving Liverpool’s gale force winds

Unsure of how to survive Liverpool’s Gale force winds? Well The Tab is here to help. With lives on the line, it is only right we try to offer some crucial advice.

Follow these simple steps and you are sure to make it through this bout of bad weather with your life intact.

1. Ignore the news

It’s a widely known fact the news don’t know what they’re talking about, so throw your TV out the window and burn your copy of the Daily Mail. They are just going to hinder you in times of severe crisis like these. Instead, follow every word of this guide to the letter and you may stand a chance of living past next week.

Never trust a man with a crooked tie

2. Weighted Boots

To avoid being blown away in the wind, why not invest in some weighted boots? (Preferably old-school deep sea diver’s boots). These bad boys will ensure even the strongest wind will not be able to blow you off your feet. A worthy investment. (Tab top tip: can’t afford weighted boots? Then try sellotaping weights to your shoes).

A worthy excuse for being late to your lecture

3. Stay Outdoors

Normally, people would recommend you stay indoors, but if a tree or telephone pole falls on your house then you’ll look like a right idiot (a dead one at that). Instead, why not try staying outdoors? You’ll have all the room in the world to dodge those pesky trees and telephone poles and stand a better chance of survival.

Sefton Park, a perfect location for weather watching

4. Practice Makes Perfect

“If you can dodge a wrench then you can dodge a ball.” And if you can dodge a bin thrown at you by your flatmate then you can dodge one flying 100mph at your head. So get as much practice of dodging random debris as you can before the weather gets any worse and you have to dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge just to survive a short walk down the street.

Practice gives you the perfect opportunity to target your enemies

5. Get Involved

Windsurfing. Wakeboarding. Paragliding. There’s a reason these wind-based sports are so popular, it’s because they are incredibly enjoyable. So why not have a bit of fun with it? Strap on your wakeboard and head to the docks. It’s not every day Liverpool experiences 100mph winds so make the most of it while you can.

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