The unavoidable realities of a Quack night out

Take me down to the SU city where my tongue is green and I don’t look pretty

Well, it's that time of week again. There are so many possible routes tonight might take, but admit it, it's probably going to go like this.

You weren't meant to go out in the first place

You'll be eating dinner, mentally planning an evening of getting started on your assignments. Then your housemate will walk in, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

'Wanna go to the pub?'

It was never going to be a no, but you're going to just go for one… maybe two? After all, you have a busy day in uni tomorrow and you promised your friend you would go to some Chris Packham seminar with her at 9am.

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Just the one

You will probably end up in Trebles

When you decide you're going out at 10pm, you end up short of time to pre-drink. Luckily, as a famous genius once uttered: 'why don't we put in 3 shots instead of just 2?'

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Karaoke, anyone?

You are going to be queuing for a while

When standing in the non-ticket queue, all you can do is watch the ticket queue build up to a painful bend past the LPAC and the library.

Bring a bottle of drink and fags, you're here for the long haul. Oh, and definitely wee before you leave Trebles.

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When you get a text from your mate who is already inside saying 'it's dead lol'

You'll get a picture taken in the photobooth

These are always either adorable, or an unfortunately candid collection of snapshots of your face and how it looks wearing the 3 Trebles you've just downed.

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The one time it breaks, just use your phone

Even if you hate VKs, you will be drinking VKs

Your friend Emily always goes on about how grim VKs are, but at Quack, these laws just don't apply.

You'll find her on one of the podiums, 4 VKs in hand and screaming at the top of her lungs to High School Musical.

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I'll take two bottles of your finest brew, good sir

You will get annoyed at the music

There's only so many weekly repeats of 'Grease Lightning' that one human being can take. Also, could someone tell the DJ to play more than 30 seconds of a song before remixing it into Galway Girl?

Yet you keep coming back…

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The horror of the lights turning on

That sea of plastic, I dare you to resist the temptation to kick it up like autumn leaves. You are not frolicking, you are about to get dragged out of the Engine Shed by two long-suffering security guards but this doesn't mean the night is necessarily over…

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Someone just told him off

The inevitable fast food stop-off

Whether you make a B-line for McDonald's or King Kebab, you will make sure to get your fill of greasy goodness before the night is out.

Even if your mate Dan is chucking up his fucking guts into the nearest flowerbed, you will get that food damn it.

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Food is love, food is life

You'll be back next week

You might have a shit night. Every thing that could possibly go wrong does. You could lose all your friends and message the group chat saying you hate them all and that you're moving out.

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Here we go again

You might get a nosebleed right in the middle of the crowd and have all exits blocked by massive blokes wearing shirts and ties.

But everyone knows that when it comes to it, you'll say yes again next Wednesday.

University of Lincoln