We ranked all the uni confession pages to find out which uni is truly the best in the country
Sorry Cambridge, try and surprise us next time
From STD horror stories to housemate hatred, the humble uni confession page is full of eye-opening surprises. Who keeps shagging in their housemate's bed and who keeps boiling their eggs IN THE KETTLE?
Forget the Guardian's league table rankings, this will tell you everything you need to know. We wanted to see which uni had the juiciest gossip, so in true confession page style we ranked some of Britain’s biggest universities to find all the dirty little secrets you definitely won’t find in your welcome pack.
Ah LeedsFess, you really do have it all. From the poetic #clapgate surrounding the uni swimming team, to the case of the serial masturbator in the library toilets, your confessions have deservedly earned you pole position.
It's more democratic than Brexit:
Makes us ponder some of the great questions in life:
And is ultimately a safe space with everyone looking out for each other:
Let's not forget it also bought us 2019’s answer to Kill Bill with this Tarantino worthy tale of revenge:
The land of the Geordies was always going to produce good banter, and Newfess certainly doesn’t disappoint. The page is filled with adoration for Greggs and brutally honest admissions of lust, but isn't that just an average night out on the Toon?
There's this friendly reminder not to give up on our academic dreams just yet:
And this brutally honest admission that really deserves some moral questioning:
Could a city that saw a uni library close just for a pigeon to give birth, ever have a dull confessions page? Home to both Uni of Sheffield and Hallam, Sheffessions offers truly eye-opening posts about the most sordid student antics.
This post sheds some light on the city's excellent contribution to composting:
And this one is another debauched delight that offers more shocks than an EastEnders Christmas special:
Although Bristol Uni likes to spend its time boasting about its claims to fame – did you know Ribena was invented IN BRISTOL? Did you know that David Walliams and Matt Lucas came to BRISTOL? – sadly, it can’t add its confession page to such successes.
It is not without its merit however, as evidenced by this student’s innovative application of her education:
But pompousness is never far behind on Bristruths:
It does have some of redeeming admissions, however, and the post below proves politics and promiscuity don’t have to be mutually exclusive:
With Boris Johnson, Theresa May, and David Cameron as Oxford alumni, was there ever any hope for a great confession page? Who wants to read about running through fields of wheat?
Oxfess is 'notable' for it serious academic discourse and frequent discussion of Latin and literature.
Tbh, we don't even think people know what confessions are in Oxford:
The Oxford and Cambridge rivalry is legendary, yet there was always a clear winner when it came to the dullest confessions. Camfess ranges from upper-middle class frustration to, well, more upper-middle class frustration.
No confession could epitomise Camfess the best than this tragic admission:
From our extensive and scientific research, there does seem to be a clear North-South divide in audacious admissions.
Is it that the northern powerhouses of Leeds and Newcastle are just more open about their antics? Or is it time that Oxbridge students need to put their books down and start to find more innovative uses for their plant pots?