Expert advice on how to make your relationship survive the summer
Bye bye bae
You’ve made it through the term and you’re still sickeningly loved up. But now summer is here, you’re fearing what a bae-less three months is going to entail.
You are questioning if your uni relationship will last long distance, or if by the end of the summer it will be in tatters. Don’t sweat it. Luckily, relationship expert Priscilla Sim has some stellar advice to make sure you and your better half survive the summer.
Accept your lonely fate
First things first, accept this is going to be hard. You’re going to have to be diplomatic and negotiate. If one person wants to talk every 10 minutes and the other checks their messages every two weeks, you’ll have to meet in the middle.
Priscilla said: “It’s about managing the togetherness and the apartness. You need to discuss and understand what you want before you leave, do you want to be exclusive? Is it ok to see other people?”
Actually reply to messages
It might sound stupid, but we all forget to reply to our messages. You need to make sure you do actually talk to each other, whether it’s over Facebook, Skype, text, call, Facetime, Instagram or Snapchat.
It’s an opportunity to show your inner love bug: do it the old fashioned way and write a letter. Send a postcard of your dad asleep in a deck chair, or tag each other in videos of singing dogs. Whatever it takes.
Priscilla added: “Connection is key. Arrange dinner dates over Skype, watch your favourite show or read a book together. Create ways to keep the connection up whether sexting or online gaming.”
Don’t be jel
Facebook stalking is not just a hobby, but a defined skill. Don’t sit there and constantly refresh the timeline. Don’t flinch when your partner is in a status with just “someone from home”, and the girl who he has his arm round in the photo is probably his cousin. Relax. You need to accept they have other friends, and they aren’t having fun to spite you. Jealousy is healthy, but too much jealousy is dangerous.
Priscilla recommends: “Don’t play on each other’s insecurities, don’t purposefully hang out with people you know they don’t like. It’s not about being controlled by the other person, it’s about respecting them. Long distance means it can’t be repaired as easily. Instead it’s a chance to make your relationship stronger.”
Don’t stalk and accuse, but don’t provoke and tease either.
Make sure you’re on the same page. If you miss them, say. If their 500 messages are getting irritating, tell them. Distance is going to be the test of your relationship, and the key to survival is honesty.
If you’re struggling then tell them, and if you cheat then you really need to tell them. But if you love them more than ever, you can say that too – even if it is via drunk text.
Priscilla agrees: “What you don’t talk out you act out. If you aren’t getting the attention you expect, you might go out of your way to seek it. To solve the problem you need to talk it through rather than act it out. If you’re scared of having the conversation, talk about the fact you’re scared.”
Have a life
Do something not related to your relationship. Get a job, go out with the girls, play golf with the lads, do something your partner hates, like watching a chick flick or something else.
There’s no point moping around: go and enjoy your time as an individual. You need to be strong and independent and not all gooey and clingy. Plus, by living your life you will just have more to tell your beloved when you catch up.
Make it a date
Do make sure you actually see each other. You’re a student, and buses, trains, planes, taxies are all expensive, but try to save up to see your special someone. You need to be as flexible and understanding as possible around each other, so meeting half way might be a suitable solution.
And do something exciting. Don’t sit and watch Come Dine With Me when you do meet up: go shopping or sight seeing, or go to the beach if you’re lucky enough to live by one. Be spontaneous, but also plan ahead so you can keep the day free if you need to.