75 things you should NEVER do at Glasgow Uni

A comprehensive list of things NOT to do at GU


1) Try to enter the library any time near the hour – unless you want to be queuing for 20 minutes to get through turnstiles into a building that you have no desire to be in, wait until half past, it’s safer that way.

2) Limit yourself to the first two floors of the library. Yeah you can chat but there’s a whole world of focus and excitement to be had on the higher levels.

3) Go all out and become a fanboy/fangirl of one specific union. Both unions have some good stuff on so why not get the best of both worlds?

4) Study Law, y’know if you want to do anything but study for 4 years… (If it’s too late, I’m sorry)

5) Forget to post your obligatory West End wanker pic on Instagram. We’ve all been there and it seems to be as much of a staple of Glasgow Uni students as that accent.

Just one of those days #wholesome

A post shared by Jenna Macfarlame (@_jennajean) on

6) Treat staff/security like shit. They’re there to help you, so don’t be an arse…

7) Cross the picket line. #topical #strikebanter

8) Leave your essays to the last minute. However tempting it may be, it is such a terrible idea….

9) Drink more than one pitcher of Dragon Soop at Viper. This is practically suicide if you ask me…

Image may contain: Drink, Beverage, Alcohol, Glass, Person, People, Human

10) Talk about how much you love Sub Club despite the fact you’re turning out at HIVE every Thursday AND Saturday. You are not funny. You are not cool.

11) Become a PR. Unless you enjoy freezing your balls off in the cold Glasgow air.

12) Attempt to argue with the Hive bouncers. You're drunk, they're power hungry. Just go home.

13) Attempt to smuggle takeaway into the library. It is not worth the hassle.

14) Talk to strangers. Usually this is because they’ll try to offer you sweets and get you into their van, but at Glasgow Uni they’ll bore you to death with chat about veganism or the SNP.

15) Study on snow days. There are snowmen to be built people! No time to sit indoors and study.

Image may contain: Sports, Sport, Snow, Skiing, Outdoors, Person, People, Human

16) Leave bags on desks in the library. Cut this shit out… PLEASE.

17) Forget to ring your parents. Just because you’re having fun, doesn’t mean they are! It’s good to check in every once in a while (in between nights out of course).

18) Think that enrolling in classes is easy, so leave it to the day before. Rookie mistake.

19) Underestimate the revolving door at the library. Often considered to be more of a challenge than climbing Everest or swimming the Channel.

20) Go to Barbeque Kings after a night out. More than likely you’ll end up with no food and no money. #RealCarniesOfTheWestEnd

21) Be that person that asks questions just as the lecturer is about to finish. WE ALL WANT TO GO HOME.

22) Complain about the nightlife if you only ever go to HIVE. Wake up, Sheeple.

23) Talk about your “gap yaaaaar” – nobody cares. You don’t see me boasting about my DofE bronze expedition….

24) Spend all your money on library cookies. I know they’re so good but there’s better things to spend your money on…

25) Miss out on writing for The Tab. We have the most fun.

26) Read the Glasgow Guardian, unless you’ve had problems sleeping recently…

27) Forget to tell your friends that you go to uni at Hogwarts; this is another staple of being a Glasgow Uni student.

28) Miss out on a photo op with the stone vagina outside of the Gregory Building.

29) Underestimate just how far it is from one side of the campus to the other, especially when you have to go up and down hill every time you finish a lecture.

30) Copy other people. In every sense of the term; in exams, in fashion, in personality. In the words of Ne-Yo, “do you”.

31) Make the mistake of signing up to the Christian union for a free toastie – I had to change my number twice and move across Glasgow to get them off my case.

32) Go anywhere in a football kit. Especially on matchdays if you’re wearing blue or green; does not bode well for your personal safety.

33) Say that Edinburgh is a better city.

34) Say that Edinburgh is a better uni.

35) Say that Strathclyde is a better uni.

36) Refer to yourself as a BNOC. A real BNOC wouldn't do that.

37) Keep doing a subject you don’t like. One of the brilliant bits about Glasgow is we get so much choice and freedom to change our subjects throughout our degree! Don’t sit and suffer!

38) Underestimate the cold on a night out. You may be queuing for a while and especially in winter, a t-shirt won’t suffice.

39) Get overly political. Nobody likes someone who tries to forcibly shove public policy down your throat at a flat party.

40) Miss out on following me on Twitter @snhw_

41) Drink lambrini at pres, firstly) way too much fluid, secondly) what are you, the princess of Monaco?

42) Join no societies. Not only are they a great way to meet new people, most of them are actually good fun too.

43) Take Uni sport too seriously. It’s university level not the olympics, chill.

44) Be in rajous at 1 o’clock unless you want to be bombarded by school kids

45) Miss out on what Glasgow has to offer! Visit the Botanic Gardens, watch Celtic or Rangers play, or even just stroll down to the Clyde!

46) Visit the SEC Centre – looks cool from the outside but is the most disappointing thing I’ve seen in Glasgow.

47) Not using Kelvingrove Park when the sun is beaming and the air is warm.

Image may contain: Sunset, Sunrise, Sky, Red Sky, Outdoors, Nature, Dusk, Dawn, Person, People, Human

48) Say that Paesano is “just a pizza place” – it is far more than that.

49) Limit yourself to the same night-out, Glasgow has some great and quirky bars – see Inn Deep on the Kelvin for example!

50) Take a phone call on one of the higher library levels – unless you enjoy the feeling of death glares

51) Also, don’t chat loudly on the higher levels of the library either – SHOW SOME RESPECT.

52) Talk down to people from Strathy or Caly – just makes you look like a wanker tbh.

53) Use the library as a social event. It’s not there so that you can graft – some people actually want to study.

54) Pay to take extra classes. Some of us pay enough as it is, no need to be adding more on top.

55) Forget to keep your student card on you at all times; you never know when you might need it!

56) Develop that accent – nobody on the planet finds the Glasgow uni accent charming or enduring.

57) Go to GUU on a Monday, let it be known that they tried a Monday night once and it was the most dead thing since a morgue.

58) Be that person who moans about people coughing during lectures – people get ill, get over it.

59) Attempt to climb Great George Street hill on the hang, you will get heart palpitations

60) Bitch about the weather, we know its always cold, it's Scotland for god's sake.

61) Walk across the grass in the quads, just use the path!

62) Forget to get that classic dissertation pic in the cloisters, it's instagram gold

63) Attempt to argue with the Hive bouncers. You're drunk, they're power hungry. Just go home.

64) Ever think that bragging about your grades is ok. It's really not.

65) Buy any of your course books new. You will only ever use them a handful of times and be at least £100 down.

66) Microwave anything that takes more than 5 minutes in the Fraser Building. There's about 15 hungry people behind you. Don't be that guy.

67) Buy your weekly shop at Waitrose.

68) Go to QMU

69) Eat at QMU

70) Do a night out in QMU

71) Send in a serious snapchat to the Glasgow Uni snapchat.

72) Talk about the fact you row. Literally no one cares.

73) Talk about the fact you play hockey. Literally no one will EVER care.

74) Spend every living moment of you uni life at the GUU.

75) Do any of the above. EVER.