Honest review: Glasgow library café food

For all you lot stuck in the library over Easter

I quite like human food. I’ve eaten it three times a day for the past eighteen years. In fact, I’d probably go as far as to say that I don’t think I could live without food. And I’m not illiterate so I guess that makes me qualified to review some snacks from the Glasgow library café.

The Tab Glasgow has already written about the famous library cookies, so I’m going to review other snacks of choice to see if they can steal the cookie crown.

Chicken tikka, onion bhaji and mint yoghurt dressing sandwich (Halal)

I picked this up when I saw there was chicken in it. I was pleasantly surprised to find that this sandwich was quite tasty. The seeded bread was nutritious, the lettuce offered a nice crunch that was very welcome and the dressing went well with the chicken which was just spicy enough for my taste. Plus the whole thing was reasonably priced and a decent length for my money’s worth.

On a scale of Animal Farm to Planet of the Apes, I’d give this sandwich a Finding Nemo. So pretty good.

Caramel crispie cake

After cleansing my palate, I moved on to the caramel crispie cake and found that very pleasant too. The chocolate was of good quality – it wasn’t brittle – and the whole thing held together pretty well and didn’t make a mess on the table as I was eating it. This is important if you’re consuming this over coursework. This delicatessen got me thinking, however,  would you say CA-RA-MEL or CAR-MEL?

On a scale of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971), I’d give this caramel cake a T2: Trainspotting (2017). Also pretty good, but not groundbreaking.

Apple crumble doughnut

I left the library after my caramel cake and came back the next day for seconds. I tell you this so you don’t think I had all this at once – I may be a greedy bastard but I’m not a fat, greedy bastard (yet), although I will be if my editor forces me to do more reviews.

The apple crumble doughnut caught my eye the day before so I ordered it with reasonable expectations that were met and surpassed. There were slices of apple inside, the icing on top was filling but really tasty, crumble (I guess? – I don’t care) was sprinkled over the top and overall I really enjoyed it. Easily the best thing I’ve had at the café.

My previous scales of quality were meaningless so all I’ll say to sum up is buy this fucking doughnut.

Sunmagic fairtrade orange juice

I’m not going to lie, I’m a big orange juice man. I’ll take it smooth, I’ll take it with bits in it, I’ll take it cold, I’ll take it warm. If I had to choose between booze and orange juice, I don’t know what I’d pick (and I’m an alcoholic). Basically, I like orange juice.

So, Sunmagic, I’m pleased to say you passed. It was nice and smooth and cold and it made me feel good about myself because it’s Fairtrade.

On a scale of The Godfather Part III to The Godfather Part II, I’d give this orange juice my Don Vito.

It’s a small selection of food, but I was brutally honest and the result of my reviews lead me to believe the rest of the café food is probably pretty good, too. Either way, you’ll probably be buying it during revision time.