Worst places to take a first date in Glasgow

Don’t be one of ‘those couples’ sat in Ketchup


Summer is the perfect time for blossoming romance, what with all the spare time everyone has and the promise of the infamous “summer fling”. So to fuel your fires of love and make sure you don’t send bae running scared, here are eight awful places to go for a first date in Glasgow.

The Shimmy Club

When bae holds you captive on the dancefloor

When bae holds you captive on the dancefloor

Clubs in general are probably the least appropriate first date locations ever, but The Shimmy Club is especially awful. Nothing screams “Hey babe, let’s get to know each other” like taking your date to a club which made its name by putting two-way glass in the mirrors of the girls’ bathroom.

Go here for expensive drinks, shit music and a dancefloor full of people more attractive than your date but who you can’t pull because you’re there in a couple. If you do end up here, the best thing to do is to get very, very drunk.

Overall rating: 1.3/10

Ketchup

Do you accept Monopoly money?

Do you accept Monopoly money?

I love Ketchup. We all love Ketchup. The food is good and two-for-one burgers are always a godsend, but this is only a decent spot if you’re totally okay with three of your friends, your tutor and that hot girl from your English Lit seminar walking past and spotting you mid-date. Oh, and not to mention the fact you’ll definitely be seated along the “couples wall”.

On the plus side, it’s quiet enough here to actually have a conversation, but if your date isn’t much of a talker you’ve basically just spent your life’s savings to sit in a very public place and eat a tasty-but-messy burger. Congrats.

Overall rating: 3/10

Your ex’s place of work

Leave space for Jesus

Leave space for Jesus

This is a bold move by anyone’s count. Taking your date to where your ex works will leave you feeling like a horrible person and also ensure you never enjoy yourself as you spend the whole date stressing about seeing your ex. Even if they’re not on shift, you’ll spend the whole time trying to look like you’re not actually there on a date (no physical contact of any kind, no looking at them in the eye and minimal chat).

Overall rating: 0/10

BBQ Kings

Chips, cheese and sexual attraction

Chips, cheese and sexual attraction

If you’ve ended up here on a “first date”, you probably only pulled in Viper about 47 minutes ago. It’s well known if you buy someone chips and cheese, they’re four times more likely to come home with you, but let’s be honest BBQ Kings isn’t date-worthy. Full of drunk, teary-eyed girls and testosterone-filled rugby lads a typical date here will end in a fist fight. It’s definitely a lot better than some other venues as the food is decent and sex is definitely on the cards but you still shouldn’t do it.

Overall rating: 3/10

GUU

Oh, I think I've found myself a beerleader

Oh, I think I’ve found myself a beerleader

Beer Bar is obviously a bit of an institution. You can entertain your date with stories about how you “once got naked on that table” and the like. Also, with any luck the German man will be there with his little dog and you can show off how much of an animal lover you are. Although we all love Beer Bar, it has to be said it’s a bit grimy and sweaty. On top of this, you’re definitely going to be seen by everyone you’ve ever met at university, and will most likely end up on someone’s Snapchat story under the caption “shaggers”. Worst of all, your date will think you’re pretty cheap for taking them here.

Overall rating: 4/10

Fraser Building

Sorry, I just saw my library boyfriend

Sorry, I just saw my library boyfriend

This is an awkward one. The opening hours make it a very public venue, so all forms of physical contact are off the cards. There’s also a high risk of ending up on Spotted and bumping into at least two Viper one-night stands. The food’s also a bit over-priced so, unless your date is your history tutor, head elsewhere.

Overall rating: 0/10

The family home

Inappropriate

Inappropriate

If you’re invited round somebody’s for Netflix and a pizza (everyone’s favourite kind of date), check they don’t live with their parents first. If you don’t get why it’s inappropriate to introduce the parents that quickly, you need to re-think your life.

Overall rating: -17/10

Sandyford Clinic

sandyford

Stay healthy, stay happy

I’m not talking from experience on this one, but good luck getting a second date if you do take someone here.

Overall rating: 10/10 purely for the hilarity factor