How to become an Exeter club rep, by someone who’s done it
If your profile pic has less than 200 likes, don’t even bother
It sounds like a dream come true for anyone with a social life in Exeter: free alcohol, free entrance, occasional commission, and basically a free pass to becoming a socialite on campus.
If you don’t want to be one of these people, you’re probably some sort of freak. Or worse, a northerner…
Here’s your complete guide to finding out exactly how to break into this totally cool elite circle…
1. Choose your profile picture wisely
Ever wondered why the people you buy your wristbands from all seem to be drop dead gorgeous? Many clubs in Exeter pick their reps on the number of likes gained on their profile picture and anything under 200 likes just won't cut it.
So, forget personality, it’s all about your image. If your dream job is becoming a club rep, don’t worry about being nice to people, just make sure your mum gets a cute holiday snap of you in your bikini.
2. Spend your nights sitting down
If you’ve never actually seen the person you bought your wristband from having fun on a night out, don’t be alarmed, neither have we. Being in this exclusive club means they unfortunately can’t mingle with the rest of us lowly peasants who spend our nights out dancing and making fools of ourselves.
Club reps will often be found trapped in a tiny booth at the back of the club with complimentary champagne on tap. Nailed to their seats, club reps exclusively socialise with each other and unless their night is posted on their Instagram story have they actually gone out?
So forget having fun, it’s all about establishing a social hierarchy these days.
3. Become 'witty'
Never written "poetry" to promote an event on social media? No wonder you’re not making the cut. These club reps are part time promoters part time literary geniuses, some would even say their work gives Shakespeare a run for his money.
Whether it’s lines of blank verse or copying and pasting their faces onto the body of Zac Efron on event cover photos, club promoters go the extra mile to sell tickets.
4. Know where your loyalties lie
You’re going to the event that all your friends are going to instead of the one you promote? Foolish.
Club reps would never be seen dead at any other night, no matter who is going or which act is performing. Club reps adore always attending the same night every single week, listening to the same songs on repeat and spending the night with exactly the same people.
Housemates heading somewhere else? Ditch them. But hey, who needs other friends? They’re not allowed in the rep corner anyway.
So, there it is, the Exeter 2018/19 complete guide to becoming a club rep. If this doesn’t convince you it’s the best job on campus, I don’t know what will!