How to find almost anyone through Facebook stalking – and not get caught

We all do it

National noad

We’ve all found ourselves on the profile of our friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s parent’s Facebook at some stage.

For those who stalk on a regular basis you’ll know the feeling of accidentally blurting out a piece of information that you probably shouldn’t know about someone.

Facebook stalking is more than a hobby, it’s a way of life. This guide will teach you the tricks of the trade that you probably didn’t know existed – you can thank us later.

First things first, you need to change your language settings from UK English to US English which will give you a better search function – for real, this is the best upgrade you will EVER make.

How to find someone you’ve seen out

This is the most basic level of stalking. So you always see the really fit girl at TP every week or you know future bae DJs at Cavern but you don’t know what their actual name is.

Make sure you like every single club/event page so that you never miss out on anything. You can kill several birds with one stone by liking the pages that put up pictures from different clubs and events too.

Club photographers were invented for a reason

The chances are someone’s tagged them, or even if they’ve managed to remove the tag of the pic of them downing a dirty pint, their friends have probably commented on it so you can find them this way.

The next step will be finding out who they’re friends with. Remember we’re at uni, so everyone practically knows everyone. There’s nothing more satisfying than finding out that two people you know are related in some way.

On their profile, the displayed friends will be the people that they have most contact with on FB so feel free to open each in a new tab to investigate.

Never forget their BFFs

How to find your one night stand

Shag a fresher after a big night on top top at TP? Finding your ONS can be tricky when you only know their name is Alex and they maybe played for the rugby team last year.

Don’t worry we’ve got you covered. You’re going to need to do some skilled digging for this so first, search for their name and narrow down the search to include university, location etc etc. After 50 profiles you will find them.

Alternatively, look through the pages of uni halls if you know where they live. These groups are always public. Boom.

‘Is this too good to be true?’ you ask 

How to stalk family members of your friends

Parents on Facebook are the absolute best but for this reason it’s likely that your housemate won’t have his embarrassing mum as a friend. But, if they do, search for their surname in their friends list to uncover this hidden gem.

For trickier situations, you will have to go the extremes. Warning – this is not for the faint of heart.

Firstly you need to search their name into Google and find the electoral roll which will reveal the names of their siblings, parents etc so you can uncover them too.

How to get around restricted profiles

Would it be weird to add a friend of a friend because you really need to know if they went to the same place on your gap yah as you? Yes.

For those who have 2000+ friends this is probably what they do, but remember, quality not quantity so don’t add any old wastrel because their security is too good.

Remember a few key things – people can make their profile pictures private but can’t on their cover photos so start here. If your mutual friend is a society page go there, security here is laxer than a Greek airport.

Afterwards search for their name in Google to widen your stalk to other forms of social media such as Twitter and of course Instagram – people always have less security here.

Just don’t accidentally like a photo from 33 weeks ago.

Even librarians do this shit

How to find out the best info

The About section on someone’s page is your best friend. Let’s be honest, we’ve all Googled someone’s school to find out what level of posh they are.

Once you know all the good stuff like where they worked in 2k12 move on to the “see friendship” section.

Erm yes this is a thing

In this beautifully designed feature you can “see a friendship” between you and someone else or two other people. Statuses, photos, friends, likes etc will come up so you can discover how friendly your two ex best friends have really become.

For fools who even have their number on Facebook in their About section (amateurs), search for it on Snapchat which is another good way of finding out other social media accounts – they usually have the same username.

Don’t say we aren’t good to you.

How not to get caught

One of the most important rules to remember at ALL times – DO NOT stalk in a public place. If you’re having a look mid 9am lecture someone will spot you in your tracks.

No no no

Unless you want to reveal your levels of creepiness, save this for the privacy of your room. Don’t forget to regularly delete your internet history and more importantly, Facebook search history.

Whatever you do, don’t accidentally like a picture unless you want to commit social suicide.

Once you’ve got mastered these skills, there’s no turning back. Stalk like a pro to your heart’s content – just don’t admit your stalker ways when you’re absolutely smashed.