Freshers keep introducing themselves in Facebook groups…why?

I don’t understand what they’re trying to achieve

Madonna did it, Gaga failed at it and freshers try to do it. Reinventing yourself is what divides the weak from the strong, but our university’s freshers’ group isn’t the place to do it.

In these groups, you’ll find three distinct types of fresher post:

  1. The reluctant ~edge~
  2. Weirdly excited
  3. Oversharing. Like really oversharing.

Whichever one you are, go and delete it now – even if it was three years ago, these posts must be deleted. Otherwise, someone might see it on Timehop and two years later you’ll still be remembered as the guy who asked whether he could put posters of his favourite gay icon on the walls.

It never goes away. Forever you will be remembered by people in your year as “that guy from the freshers group who asked whether the uni objected to Britney”.

I never made a post about myself, thank the Lord. I had grand ideas of never smoking again and going to every lecture while simultaneously joining the Debate Soc. It didn’t work out.

Be prepared to be known as 'the girl who's scared of clubs'

Be prepared to be known as ‘the girl who’s scared of clubs’

Reinventing yourself is one of the most ego-centric activities you can pursue, other than writing a blog on the different types of tea you’ve tried in Hampstead. The thing to remember about freshers though is you can retool your personality without getting loads of attention. For the first term, no one will remember you unless you make a total tit of yourself, and going out of your way to introduce yourself on Facebook is the quickest way to make a total tit of yourself.

The only other reason someone might remember you between now and freshers is because you say something which aligns with their interests. Great, mazel tov. You’ve made a friend – but you’ve made a friend online, before getting to uni, which leads us to the next central issue of making freshers posts.

If you want to reinvent yourself, why make friends before getting there? Yes it’s nice to wave at a familiar face at the Freshers Fair, but then what? If you leave everyone on your floor behind to go and hang out with some randomer from another hall then you’ll just be known as the dick who didn’t get involved in Freshers Week. They’d be better off waiting to say hi to everyone once they’ve actually arrived.

Far more likely is you’ll make friends online and then have to spend the year ignoring them, as if they’re a shameful one night stand except you didn’t even get to bang. Instead you just got to message one another about whether or not you knew if halls allowed toastie machines.

But the main issue with these posts is the self-indulgence of the whole exercise. Who cares? Who honestly cares if you’re 19 and took a gap year and ended up having a great time but are really looking forward to getting back to Blighty, cheeky winky emoticon?

Nobody. It’s a self-indulgent activity, in which you’re either boring and unrecognisable, or a total tit and will never live down the total shame of being a total tit. So yes: welcome to uni. But don’t be a twat, and certainly don’t do it in a place we can screencap and laugh at you about.