Confusion at Mildert over new ‘feather’ statue

A bizarre new artwork commissioned for Van Mildert’s 50th anniversary has appeared on college grounds.

The sculpture is a rotating, low-level feather in the college’s ground, believed to be that of a Mallard.

Mallard ducks are famous for mass gang-rape and homosexual necrophilia.

The sculpture now has a parody Twitter account asking: “Why am I here? What is my purpose in life?”

Fraser Burt, the JCR President, told The Tab: “I think it’s a really positive addition to the college landscape and love the Twitter feed that’s been set up!”

The sculpture was widely shared on Facebook on the same day as large protests over the cost of living-in next year.

The cost of the rotating sculpture has not been revealed to students, despite presumably footing the bill almost three years ago. The cost of living-in will be close to £7000 next year, while the average maintenance loan will stay at roughly £3000.

It’s called art: look it up

Professor David Harper, President of Van Mildert, has written to students today saying: “Many of you will have seen the recent activity by the side of the Lake outside Wear Block. Collingwood has its stag, Hatfield its lion and Van Mildert should have a duck.

“A few years ago College commissioned a very special sculpture by the Danish artist Erik Heide. It is a metal mallard feather and marks the achievements of Van Mildert College, its students past and present, and its staff on the 50th Anniversary of the founding of the College in 2015.

“But please be aware that this installation is designed to rotate naturally and can move quickly and suddenly. Please do not touch the Feather or stand within the area of its rotation.

“I hope you will join me as the ‘Guardians of the Feather’ and help ensure that this artwork, a key part of our heritage, will remain for many years to come in its pristine condition, signalling the ambitions and achievements of our great College.”

Staff at Van Mildert were unavailable for comment.