All the worst struggles of living with a couple at uni

Living with a couple is all cool at first – it's double the friends, right? Right up until you start to feel alone and sad and things just begin to get to you more than they should.

After another day of third-wheeling you suddenly find yourself alone wrapped in your duvet watching The Notebook and crying in your pillow whilst you hear your housemates next door giggling and kissing through your paper thin walls. The fun is over. The resentment sets in.

This is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the brutal truth about all the things that will annoy you about living with a couple.

When they argue

If you walk in and see this you know that there's trouble brewing

Things are awkward enough when you live with people and they argue but trust me, it's a lot worse when it's a couple. You'll find yourself stuck trying to wash your dishes in the sink whilst they throw shade at each other from across opposite sides of the kitchen. Where do you even look? Do you just pretend it's not happening? Now one of them is stood in front of the fridge and you need the milk. It's a nightmare.

It's especially annoying because you shouldn't feel the need to leave a room in your own house just because your housemates are having issues in their relationship. You don't want them to argue, you care for them. But you care even more about watching the next episode of Big Mouth in the living room without constant bickering and sniping. Just make up guys, please, for everyone's sake.

Packing on the PDA

Must you always be touching?

Picture this: You come home from uni, tired af from whatever lecture you've just been not paying attention to. You walk in the kitchen ready to make your dinner and then you see it – they're hugging it out in the middle of the living room. It's an uncomfortable moment for everyone including them and it's too late to turn back now.

To make things worse, occasionally you'll start to ask them a question while you're watching a movie in the living room and then you look over and they're making out. Now we all feel weird. Thanks guys. Can they not just wait until they get to their room? Apparently not.

The bills dilemma

When you sign a tenancy agreement, you all make a promise that everything will be split equally. What they don't tell you is that, yeah, everything will be split equally – but the house couple apparently counts as one person.

This is particularly relevant when one half of your house couple doesn't technically live with you. By technically we mean that they basically do live with you, God knows they spend enough time there for you to say they do, but they don't pay rent or bills. Those extra showers? That extra electricity? You can't escape thinking about the costs incurred by this hidden extra tenant. Maybe I'll just go round to your house and take a few showers for free there so we're even, roomie.

Thinking they can tell you what to do

YOU'RE NOT MY DAD

No matter what they tell you, they will never be Mum and Dad of the house. They think they are though. Just don't let them tell you what to do because after all, you're their mate, not their child.

If they're going to get bitchy when you have pres or have your friends over, don't let them make you feel bad. If they can't deal with it, they can leave, you're at uni and you're going to have fun. If their idea of fun is staying in and spooning whilst watching Love Island then good for them, but you are going to go out and get drunk and embarrass yourself in the Kasbah smoking area and feel absolutely no shame. And yes they will definitely judge you for this. So do it anyway.

It's always two vs one

Taken moments before house wars part three began

Any major decisions that are made in the house, you can guarantee that the "Power Couple" will have the final say. That's just the way it is, whether you like it or not. In any house argument, it will always be two against one, it's a lose-lose situation that you can't escape. Whatever happens, prepare your arguments well and recruit some of your other housemates to take your side because honey, you've got a big storm comin'.

Want to watch your fave TV show? Nope not this time, there's two of them and whatever they want to watch will always take priority. They already have 66 per cent of the vote. In a house with a couple, there is no such thing as democracy.

I'm just gonna say it…loud sex

This is it, the big one you've all been waiting for: The sex part. We're all adults here and we all know the drill. It's a familiar feeling and if you've never experienced this you're a very lucky person.

It's the middle of the night you've just finished writing up your essay that you left until the last minute, you've cuddled yourself up in your duvet and are on the verge of sleep and then you hear it. Your housemates are having sex and you can hear it so clearly you might as well be in the room with them.

You heard it all. The headboard. Heavy breathing. Bed springs. And, if you're particularly unlucky, a spank. The worst part is you have to look them in the eye the next morning and act like nothing has happened.

There's not much you can do to tackle this issue so sit tight, grab your headphones and settle down with an episode of Planet Earth. I promise that the soothing sound of David Attenborough will drown out the sound of the other animals going at it next door.