Ranked: Which Cambridge building is the sexiest? We went on Tinder to find out…
Yes that was us, and thank you for the Camfesses
Over the course of three days, Orgasm Bridge, the UL, Castle Mound, King’s College Chapel, Mainsburys, and Cindies each made their 24 hour debut in the Cambridge Tinder community.
With a distance range of five miles and an age limit set between 18 and 25, it appears that they were some of the most liked profiles in tinder (if the way our phones were crashing is anything to go by). Tinder tried to foil our progress, constantly making us verify we were human by identifying which tiny cartoon contained a camel, but we persevered. So here they are, ranked by the number of likes that they scored and accompanied by some of the best DMs we received (go to our TikTok to see more!).
6. The UL
Super Likes: 1
You can probably guess where the pick-up lines went with this one considering that books sometimes have hardcovers and how its 1930s architecture has a rather alert form. Not going to lie, about five of these came from the same person and ranged from: “Are you a dictionary, because you’re the definition of perfect” (aww!) to “You must be the Lord of my Flies because they’ll only unzip for you” (possibly an engling). Some of the less exciting messages included: “I’m watching u rn” (creepy) and “I had a dream this was an extinction rebellion thing” (at least we made it into their dream).
5. Orgasm Bridge
Super Likes: 4
There was a lot of material available for good chat up lines with this one, but I have to admit that my favourite line was entirely unromantic: “F*** you, sincerely all bike riders” (I know the feeling.) Other than that, the messages were fairly as expected given the unflattering nickname provided to Garret Hostel Bridge. Some of the best lines were, “Wow, I love matching with built structures,” “I can’t get over you,” (relatable content and also I love a pun), and “You make me breathless.” An excellent show of Cambridge students’ capabilities for witty pick-up lines.
Super Likes: 4
Lots of meal deal references and a fair bit of hate for Sainsbury’s (“Aldi for life motherf****r”) were received when this profile was live. Clearly, the students of Cambridge do not love Sainsbury’s as much as they do Tesco. One hopeful even admitted their guilt for not going to Sainsbury’s, messaging: “I’m sorry… I need to be honest with you, I’ve been having an affair with Tesco Extra, they’re just so convenient.” There was some love for Sainsbury’s, though. My favourites were: “You have nice buns (in your bakery),” and “I’d pay for your goods.”
3. King’s College Chapel
Super Likes: 0 (I’m not calling you guys heartless, but…)
There was a lot of variety with this one it seems. In particular, I loved having an in-depth conversation with someone about Bishop Reginald of Ely and King Henry VII’s “architectural masterpiece” (only in Cambridge). The most beguiling lines included: “You love a choir boy as much as I do,” “Can I put my curves through you flying Buttresses,” and “You have a beautiful figure.” Less caring ones went along the lines of, “Idk how I feel about talking to someone who’s had so many people inside them.” And I still can’t get over that someone dared to message: “I prefer King’s at Oxford” (this alone knocked three points off the chat rating).
2. Castle Mound
Super Likes: 6
Entirely unrelated to Castle Mound’s quest for a date (the best date spot in Cambridge and yet no one wants to take the poor hill on a date), my favourite message to this profile was, “Not to be extra, but my parents got engaged there.” 10/10 wholesome vibes, I’m invested, I need a story time, just so cute. Slightly less wholesome, but equally as clever as some of the Orgasm Bridge content, was, “I’ll always remember that night I was on top of you,” and “I’d mound your castle.” Finally, to the person who messaged “That’s where I go to cry,” I hope you’re alright <3.
Likes: 289 (I don’t think my phone will ever recover)
Super Likes: 5
The one that we’d all been waiting for. Unsurprisingly my DMs were filled with people in mourning and asking, “Why did you have to leave me?” People shared their fondest memories including the “bad and blurry memories” of Cindies “toilets”, and “spending a couple of hours” in “the smoking area”. There were hopes and dreams: “I want to be inside you again.” There was even a poem: “I’ve never been in you,/ Never got the chance,/ I hoped that through you,/ I’d get in a girl’s pants.”
Though these warmed my hearts, the funniest lines had to be from those that didn’t actually know what Cindies is, from, “Cindy, just the person I’ve been looking for/U got the cheese?” to the bittersweet, “Lemme in I want a pint.”
And here concludes our adventure. We’d like to thank the Cambridge Tinder community for welcoming architecture with open arms and the students themselves for the excellent prose that graced our crashing phone screens. And if anyone feels like declaring their love for this article we refer you to Crushbridge.
If you want to check out some more great messages from our adventures on Tinder, have a look at our TikTok!
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