WEEK SIX NEWS ROUNDUP: Blitz Spirit, Fresher Fines, and Arty Access

Real news is depressing, as we all we learned last week. Here’s some barely real news instead.

Cambridge cambridge students Cambridge University christs fines fire extinguisher Freshers girton college Libraries St John's College student life Students Trinity

Fresher fines

A Girton fresher may have taken his friend saying that the night was “lit” a little too literally. Following a Halloween Ent, said fresher set off the fire extinguisher in his gyp room, purpotedly racking up a 1000 pound fine.

When the mixtape is too fire.

No Blitz Spirit at Churchill

Students at Churchill received a friendly email with less than formal advice for how to behave at formal- mainly, don’t ‘get blitzed’. The email, from the senior tutor, included vaguely threatening references to “acute restrictions on the consumption of alcohol” from a decade ago, as a result of the college being at risk of losing it’s alcohol license. Still, everyone remembers how fun the U.S. was during prohibition!

An Arthouse Access Film

We have always thought that it’s King’s who have the title of edgiest college, but St John’s arty film about access seems to be a contender for College Advertising with Most Edges (An award I just invented). The film features a series of abstract symbols shifting around whilst people who have benefited from the college’s bursaries talk about their experience.

How much did they pay for this?

Christ’s overrun by studious freshers

Perhaps driven by the decision to keep the class lists, the Christ’s freshers seem to have been overtaken by an urge to study, forcing the college to open rooms normally reserved for exam term due to the library being overrun by freshers. I’d offer a sassy comment but have been reduced to stunned silence at the thought of these absolute nerds.

With this kind of accommodation, who wouldn’t turn to the library for solace?

Duck returns to Trinity rafters

Keen Cambridge historians will know of the wooden duck said to live in the rafters of Trinity College’s dining hall. After a brief trip away from its home, it has reportedly returned. For those of you who didn’t know the full extent of Trinity’s weirdness, you’re welcome.

Sambuca and Socialism

Never to be outshone by their conservative counterparts, CULC introduced a rival event to CUCA’s now famous Port and Policy: Sambuca and Socialism. The event as a “debate social” aimed to discuss the question “So, what the fuck do we do now?” Probably supply a several tiered cheese cake, if you know what’s good for you, CULC.

Shots will always lighten up a political gathering

John’s Porters become caricatures of themselves

The John’s porters may have a reputation for being grumpy and stingy and prone to breaking up parties, but reports seem to suggest that they have outdone themselves this time. The sweets intended for the “Inter-Collegiate Trick or Treating Event” were reportedly kept by the porters and eaten amongst themselves, instead of being distributed to the public. A scandal, I say.

And finally, the Queens’ College female drinking society have dubbed themselves “The Princesses.” Of course.