Which Star Wars character is your college?

May the force be with you

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A not so long time ago, in a Cambridge college not so far away, balance was brought to the Cambridge force. Will yours be on the dark side or the light?

Trinity – Obi-Wan Kenobi

Trinity students are a force to be reckoned with. Although their quips  and cheesy one-liners can be tiresome, you can’t help but love their commitment to the light side. Wise they may be, they still deserve the hermit life.

Trinity Hall – Anakin Skywalker

Overshadowed by Trinity, Tit Hall just wants to be loved. Their brooding gazes don’t do them many favours, and their incessant jealousy is their ultimate downfall.

Peterhouse – Yoda

Little and ancient, Peterhouse is. The motto “do or do not, there is no try”, Peterhouse students live by. Get the idea, you do.

Sidney Sussex – Jabba the Hutt

Lazy, bloated, and too close to Sainsbury’s for their own good.

Jabba the Hutt

Pembroke – Luke Skywalker

Like the galaxy’s second hope to restore balance to the force, Pembroke is most people’s second choice of college. Burdened with daddy issues, but an all-round fun loving bunch.

John’s – Darth Sidious

No surprises here. Their egos are as tiresome as the rebuilding of the Death Star. John’s is leading the way in Galactic oppression.

Darth S

Homerton – Qui-Gon Jinn

Homerton’s commitment to education is to be admired. But we remember their teachings from that vague one time we saw them.

Girton – Sarlacc Pit

The galaxy’s and Cambridge’s severest exile (unless of course you class Anglia Ruskin). Unwanted and overlooked, it’s easier to pretend Girton isn’t there.

St Catherine’s – C3PO

Catz students pride themselves in being fluent in over 600 milion forms of communication, i.e. they never shut up. Straight-laced and diligent, it’s easy to be blinded by their golden sheen. No wonder they get mistaken for droids.

C3

King’s – Kylo Ren

King’s wants to finish what Lenin started. Called to greatness, the self-made chosen ones of Cambridge are burdened with their own importance. King’s students are an embarrassing parody of themselves.

Kylo Ren

Clare – R2-D2

Clare students are kinda cute, tag along everywhere, and everyone says they love them – but would they really be missed if they were gone?

Queens’ – Queen Amidala

Queen’s college is the Naboo of Cambridge. Don’t be fooled by the students’ elegant dress and quirky hairstyles, they’re more fearsome and rowdy then you’d expect.

QA

Newnham – Princess Leia

Newnhamites defy prescribed galactic gender roles by being more than just your average disney princess. Newnhamites are not afraid to stand up for democracy and what they believe in and know their way around a blaster. Even though they’d like to deny it, they’ve all been known to fall for scoundrels.

Jesus – Darth Maul

Acrobatic, athletic, and cool. Although they don’t say much, you can’t help but admire their toned physiques and displays of fitness.

Fitzwilliam – Poe Dameron

A relatively new addition, but so worth it. Like the best rebel pilot in the galaxy, Fitz students excel. Not quite accepted by the main gang, but trying their best to prove their worth.

Oscar_Isaac_by_Gage_Skidmore

Downing – Mace Windu

We’re being told a lie. Mace Windu is sick of all these mother f**king jedi saying his lightsaber is purple. It’s actually magenta and so is Downing’s college colour.

Murray Edwards – Captain Phasma

The college itself resembles Phasma’s outfit – grey and dome-shaped. Don’t get on the wrong side of  Murray Edwards otherwise you will be sent to be reconditioned. (Plus you definitely want a ticket to the garden party.)

Captain PH

Robinson – Geonosis

Most people aren’t aware of this, but Robinson’s architecture was actually inspired by Geonosis – a red, barely hospitable planet in the Outer Rim territory.

Unknown

Churchill – Finn

Churchill students aren’t afraid to break the mould and make their own destiny. Their attempts with the opposite sex are endearing, but we just like to laugh at them.

John_Boyega_by_Gage_Skidmore

Darwin – Daniel Craig Stormtrooper

Often overlooked, but it’s definitely there if you know where to look.


On that note, apologies to those colleges which didn’t make it into this esteemed article. We can’t all be like Darwin – Ed.