Which Taylor Swift song is your College?

Cambridge’s rich history has met its match. Academia, architecture and alumni are all great but OMG did you see who Taylor left Cindies with last night?

bad taste College pop taylor swift

As we approach the one year anniversary of 1989, let us take a look at how Taylor’s tunes were basically written for Cambridge life.

Downing – Wildest Dreams 

Standing in a nice dress, staring at the geography faculty, babe

Standing in a nice dress, staring at the geography faculty, babe

Come to Downing, The Student Room says. You can practically fall out of bed into lectures. Frankly, if you’re a medic or geographer at Downing there’s no need to set your alarm before 8:57 am. And with all of that extra REM sleep you are catching up on, those dreams are only getting wilder…

Corpus Christi – You Belong with me

"if you could see that I'm the one who understands you"

“If you could see that Corpus is the one who understands you”

You belong with me, Corpus screams, while dancing on its bed, singing into a hairbrush.

Corpus suffers from short-man syndrome, always looking for approval from others. That big golden clock probably set Corpus back a year group’s worth of tuition fees. While you may never be one of the big kids in the playground, there is no need to keep crying out for attention, Corpus. We love you for who you are.

Girton – Better Than Revenge

Now go stand in the corner and think about what you did

Now go stand in the corner and think about what you did

What’s closer for Girton, Oxford or Cambridge? Girton didn’t even get the vote for Cambridge’s MP because they were so far away. While we’ve all being joking about their cycle-rides, Girton has been hatching a plan. They’re in it for the long game.

They know with all of the developments in West Cambridge, the city is only going one way. When Girton is at the centre of town in a couple hundred years’ time, they’ll be laughing. There sure is nothing better than revenge.

Homerton – Mean 

All you're ever gonna be is mean (to Homertonians)

All you’re ever gonna be is mean (to Homerton)

Why you gotta be so mean? Homerton has sure had its fair share of jokes for being effectively a teacher training college. But teachers have it pretty good. They clock off at 4pm, and the holidays are great. Besides, with all the exit routes into banking with TeachFirst, someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city. 

John’s – Bad Blood feat. Kendrick Lamar

Love it or hate it, you definitley know it

Love it or hate it, you definitley know it

Oh, hypothetical Cambridge bystander, why did you have to deliver that fatal blow? Why did you have to say that you’d rather go to Oxford than St. Johns? We were getting along so well, but now we have bad blood. Yes, Johns and the rest of Cambridge have a feud that will last the Ages.

With their notable alumni making them the only college to rival T Swizzle’s squad, and an endowment just about large enough to make a video that will slay the rest of Cambridge, John’s is ready for the war.

Trinity Hall – We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

This time Trinity, I'm telling you, I'm telling you

This time Trinity, I’m telling you, I’m telling you

Tucked away behind all of those big colleges on King’s Parade, Tit Hall has been harbouring a lot of anger, against none other than Trinity. Why did Henry VIII have to steal their name all those years ago? I mean, this is exhausting, you know, like, We are never getting back together, like ever. So Trinity, when you try and drunk call Tit Hall after Life to reconcile, just know they won’t be picking up the phone.

Their feud may not rival John’s feud because, you know, this song was so 2012, in the same way that drama was so 1546.

Trinity –  Back to December 

emotionally, mentally, it's winter all the time here

emotionally, mentally, it’s winter all the time here

So, you’ve gotten into Trinity. You must be feeling pretty proud of yourself. But they take the Tompkins Table very seriously. So just know that when you settle down to finish all your example papers, you’ll be singing in your head: this is me swallowing my pride… I go back to December all the time.

Doing all of that extra work will take you right back to that fateful December night which decided your application outcome. Much like an overworked, deflated Trinity student, this depressing tune will seldom be in Cindies.

King’s – Shake It Off

cause the faker's gonna fake (fake fake fake fake)

cause the faker’s gonna fake (fake fake fake fake)

Oh King’s. So communist. So indie. So niche. While they may never hear this smash-hit while they’re in Fez, they sure do know what it’s like to ignore the haters, and have a good time. So when Shake It Off comes on in King’s Bunker, you know they’ll all be dancing along, however ironically.

Peterhouse – Treacherous 

you naughty boy, peterhouse

you naughty boy, peterhouse

A mysterious envelope arrives in my pigeon hole. I have been invited to a ‘special’ formal next week. The letter inside reads ‘Arrive promptly at 8pm. Wine will be served, and taxis will be ready for your departure’. I turn up. The lights dim, and my heartbeat slows. I feel someone’s leg brush against my knee. This slope is treacherous — And I, I, I like it. 

Clare – I Knew You Were Trouble. 

Just as sexy and fancy free as Harry Styles

Just as sexy and fancy free as Harry Styles

Other colleges have bops, but no, you have to go one further and build a whole nightclub in your basement don’t you Clare? Also, why on earth would you build a tiny library next to a fucking huge library? What kind of psychopath even does that? Clare’s rampant excess convinces me it’s a college suitable only for hedonists.

Newnham – Blank Space 

"Got a long list of ex-lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane"

“Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane”

Oh men. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Blank Space powerfully satirises the media’s perception of Ms Swift and her escapades. This clever brand of feminism is the only anthem for Newnham College.

Being strong and independent is important, but life can get a bit lonely. This means you’ll always see the Newn’ gals out in full force every Wednesday night. So when they threaten to write your name, you might not know if they’re joking.

Caius – Hey Stephen 

Now Ted Loveday has graduated, Stephen Hawking is the only interesting thing about Caius

Now Ted Loveday has graduated, Stephen Hawking is the only interesting thing about Caius

A little tribute here to Caius’ most famous fellow. As The Theory of Everything shows us, Stephen Hawking is dashing, in more than one sense. So Hey Stephen, I could give you fifty reasons, Why I should be the one you choose, All those other girls, well they’re beautiful, But would they write a song for you?  Eat your heart out, Jane!

Jesus – Holy Ground

Incidentally, Jesus' ball does tend to be one of the more popular ones with freshers

Incidentally, Jesus’ ball does tend to be one of the more popular ones with freshers

This is a bit of a cheap-shot, isn’t it? But bear with me. Holy Ground is all about remembering your first love. So, freshers, try not to get absolutely paralytic at Jesus May Ball, so you can remember spinning like a girl in a brand new dress. The ultimate fresher’s ball should only be about one thing: romance.

Fitzwilliam – Jump Then Fall

I'mma stay through it all

Oh Fitz, I’mma stay through it all

Say whatever you want about Fitz, but it does have lovely gardens. Being at Fitz encourages you to look on the brighter side of life. When life’s obstacles get in your way, don’t be afraid, please, jump then fall. Fitz shows us that having this attitude in life can be important. Because, with notable alumni including a host of Liberal Democrat MPs and Andy Burnham, they sure do know what it’s like to lose.

Robinson – The Lucky One 

A less well known Tay tune for a less than central college

A less well known Tay tune for a less than central college

When Trinity and John’s are on your donor list, all faith in the pool is restored.

Pembroke – Style 

"Cause we never go out of style"

“Cause we never go out of style”

Pembroke’s just lush, isn’t it? With their consistently high performance in the Tompkins Table to their Michelin Star chef, Pembroke was everyone’s second choice college. In fact, if someone gave me a pound every time I heard that, I may well have an endowment larger than Pembroke’s. So Pembroke, we know you have that James Dean daydream look in your eye. Pembroke will never go out of Style.

Queen’s – Ours

It's alright, people will love you without your bops

It’s alright, people will love you without your bops

Never be worried about your insecurities Queen’s. We’ve all noticed how you tried to hide that shit 1960’s bit, in the hope visiting school kids won’t notice. This song will teach you that I love the gap between your teeth… and any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored. Be proud of your flaws, Queen’s. This love is Ours.

Magdalene – Speak Now

You must be at least this fancy-pants looking to enter Magdalene

You must be at least this fancy-pants looking to enter Magdalene

I am not the kind of girl, who should be rudely bargin’ in on a white veil occasion. Well, Taylor, if the potential bae who you are trying to save from marrying that other girl is getting married at Magdalene, you might not be able to. Unless you’re in white tie, you won’t get in.

Emma – Love story

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns

The ponds, the ducks, the free laundry. Emmanuel sure is a castle, fit for a King. Maybe even for Romeo and Juliet too. Seriously, can anyone think of a college more fitting for a re-staging of one of Swift’s most classic videos?

Sidney Sussex – State of Grace 

This is a state of grace. This is a worth while fight. They do hot pizza slices for a pound.

This is a state of grace. This is a worth while fight. Sainsburys’ does hot pizza slices for a pound.

Hey, you guys are next to Sainsbury’s. Life is good.

Churchill – Out of the Woods 

Churchill's architecture is as irksome as this ditty

Churchill’s architecture is as irksome as this ditty

Chock-full of compscis, and winner of the prize for being the ultimate 1960’s college, Churchill bears more than a passing resemblance to the computerised little retro jingle that is Out of the Woods. Let’s just hope all of the Matlab and Java lands you that all important Facebook internship, so you can stop wondering if you’re out of the woods yet.

Murray Edwards – Never Grow Up

Dome you ever grow up, just stay this little

Dome you ever grow up, just stay this little

Changing it’s name from New Hall only back in 2008, Murray Edwards really is the baby of the bunch. We know we can’t protect you from the world forever, Murray Edwards, but for as long as we can, we’ll try to give you enough pocket money for a garden party.

Selwyn – Fearless

Definitely not clutching at straws with this one

Definitely not clutching at straws with this one

Selwyn may be the bravest college. After a seven year hiatus, they triumphantly returned with their may ball last year. With the master’s ‘very large cat’, Selwyn breaks down divisions and binaries in any way it can. To quote the truly inspirational O2 advert, Selwyn teaches us to be more dog. Selwyn teaches us to be fearless.

Catz – SuperStar

Give me a photograph to hang on my wall...because no one knows what St Cats looks like

Give me a photograph to hang on my wall…because no one knows what St Cats looks like

Wikipedia says that St Catherine’s College is notable for its open court, rather than having a closed quad. That sounds somewhat noteworthy. Sorry Catz, I know nothing about you, and just can’t bring myself to make a limp cat-related pun. So you guys can all just be superstars. Oh, okay then. SuperStar was the purrfect choice.

Christ’s – 22  

Close to da club, a place frequented by young people

Close to da club, a place frequented by young people

This song really captures the Cambridge struggle. The future is a scary place: applying for graduate schemes, the burgeoning start of your political career, or simply a life on the doll. Being 22 in Cambridge may not be as fun or easy as it was for Taylor.

But hey, at least if you’re at Christ’s, Cindies is always waiting. So screw your Goldman Sachs application and your essay deadlines because I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22.