Which Taylor Swift song is your College?
Cambridge’s rich history has met its match. Academia, architecture and alumni are all great but OMG did you see who Taylor left Cindies with last night?
As we approach the one year anniversary of 1989, let us take a look at how Taylor’s tunes were basically written for Cambridge life.
Downing – Wildest Dreams
Come to Downing, The Student Room says. You can practically fall out of bed into lectures. Frankly, if you’re a medic or geographer at Downing there’s no need to set your alarm before 8:57 am. And with all of that extra REM sleep you are catching up on, those dreams are only getting wilder…
Corpus Christi – You Belong with me
You belong with me, Corpus screams, while dancing on its bed, singing into a hairbrush.
Corpus suffers from short-man syndrome, always looking for approval from others. That big golden clock probably set Corpus back a year group’s worth of tuition fees. While you may never be one of the big kids in the playground, there is no need to keep crying out for attention, Corpus. We love you for who you are.
Girton – Better Than Revenge
What’s closer for Girton, Oxford or Cambridge? Girton didn’t even get the vote for Cambridge’s MP because they were so far away. While we’ve all being joking about their cycle-rides, Girton has been hatching a plan. They’re in it for the long game.
They know with all of the developments in West Cambridge, the city is only going one way. When Girton is at the centre of town in a couple hundred years’ time, they’ll be laughing. There sure is nothing better than revenge.
Homerton – Mean
Why you gotta be so mean? Homerton has sure had its fair share of jokes for being effectively a teacher training college. But teachers have it pretty good. They clock off at 4pm, and the holidays are great. Besides, with all the exit routes into banking with TeachFirst, someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city.
John’s – Bad Blood feat. Kendrick Lamar
Oh, hypothetical Cambridge bystander, why did you have to deliver that fatal blow? Why did you have to say that you’d rather go to Oxford than St. Johns? We were getting along so well, but now we have bad blood. Yes, Johns and the rest of Cambridge have a feud that will last the Ages.
With their notable alumni making them the only college to rival T Swizzle’s squad, and an endowment just about large enough to make a video that will slay the rest of Cambridge, John’s is ready for the war.
Trinity Hall – We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
Tucked away behind all of those big colleges on King’s Parade, Tit Hall has been harbouring a lot of anger, against none other than Trinity. Why did Henry VIII have to steal their name all those years ago? I mean, this is exhausting, you know, like, We are never getting back together, like ever. So Trinity, when you try and drunk call Tit Hall after Life to reconcile, just know they won’t be picking up the phone.
Their feud may not rival John’s feud because, you know, this song was so 2012, in the same way that drama was so 1546.
Trinity – Back to December
So, you’ve gotten into Trinity. You must be feeling pretty proud of yourself. But they take the Tompkins Table very seriously. So just know that when you settle down to finish all your example papers, you’ll be singing in your head: this is me swallowing my pride… I go back to December all the time.
Doing all of that extra work will take you right back to that fateful December night which decided your application outcome. Much like an overworked, deflated Trinity student, this depressing tune will seldom be in Cindies.
King’s – Shake It Off
Oh King’s. So communist. So indie. So niche. While they may never hear this smash-hit while they’re in Fez, they sure do know what it’s like to ignore the haters, and have a good time. So when Shake It Off comes on in King’s Bunker, you know they’ll all be dancing along, however ironically.
Peterhouse – Treacherous
A mysterious envelope arrives in my pigeon hole. I have been invited to a ‘special’ formal next week. The letter inside reads ‘Arrive promptly at 8pm. Wine will be served, and taxis will be ready for your departure’. I turn up. The lights dim, and my heartbeat slows. I feel someone’s leg brush against my knee. This slope is treacherous — And I, I, I like it.
Clare – I Knew You Were Trouble.
Other colleges have bops, but no, you have to go one further and build a whole nightclub in your basement don’t you Clare? Also, why on earth would you build a tiny library next to a fucking huge library? What kind of psychopath even does that? Clare’s rampant excess convinces me it’s a college suitable only for hedonists.
Newnham – Blank Space
Oh men. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Blank Space powerfully satirises the media’s perception of Ms Swift and her escapades. This clever brand of feminism is the only anthem for Newnham College.
Being strong and independent is important, but life can get a bit lonely. This means you’ll always see the Newn’ gals out in full force every Wednesday night. So when they threaten to write your name, you might not know if they’re joking.
Caius – Hey Stephen
A little tribute here to Caius’ most famous fellow. As The Theory of Everything shows us, Stephen Hawking is dashing, in more than one sense. So Hey Stephen, I could give you fifty reasons, Why I should be the one you choose, All those other girls, well they’re beautiful, But would they write a song for you? Eat your heart out, Jane!
Jesus – Holy Ground
This is a bit of a cheap-shot, isn’t it? But bear with me. Holy Ground is all about remembering your first love. So, freshers, try not to get absolutely paralytic at Jesus May Ball, so you can remember spinning like a girl in a brand new dress. The ultimate fresher’s ball should only be about one thing: romance.
Fitzwilliam – Jump Then Fall
Say whatever you want about Fitz, but it does have lovely gardens. Being at Fitz encourages you to look on the brighter side of life. When life’s obstacles get in your way, don’t be afraid, please, jump then fall. Fitz shows us that having this attitude in life can be important. Because, with notable alumni including a host of Liberal Democrat MPs and Andy Burnham, they sure do know what it’s like to lose.
Robinson – The Lucky One
When Trinity and John’s are on your donor list, all faith in the pool is restored.
Pembroke – Style
Pembroke’s just lush, isn’t it? With their consistently high performance in the Tompkins Table to their Michelin Star chef, Pembroke was everyone’s second choice college. In fact, if someone gave me a pound every time I heard that, I may well have an endowment larger than Pembroke’s. So Pembroke, we know you have that James Dean daydream look in your eye. Pembroke will never go out of Style.
Queen’s – Ours
Never be worried about your insecurities Queen’s. We’ve all noticed how you tried to hide that shit 1960’s bit, in the hope visiting school kids won’t notice. This song will teach you that I love the gap between your teeth… and any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored. Be proud of your flaws, Queen’s. This love is Ours.
Magdalene – Speak Now
I am not the kind of girl, who should be rudely bargin’ in on a white veil occasion. Well, Taylor, if the potential bae who you are trying to save from marrying that other girl is getting married at Magdalene, you might not be able to. Unless you’re in white tie, you won’t get in.
Emma – Love story
The ponds, the ducks, the free laundry. Emmanuel sure is a castle, fit for a King. Maybe even for Romeo and Juliet too. Seriously, can anyone think of a college more fitting for a re-staging of one of Swift’s most classic videos?
Sidney Sussex – State of Grace
Hey, you guys are next to Sainsbury’s. Life is good.
Churchill – Out of the Woods
Chock-full of compscis, and winner of the prize for being the ultimate 1960’s college, Churchill bears more than a passing resemblance to the computerised little retro jingle that is Out of the Woods. Let’s just hope all of the Matlab and Java lands you that all important Facebook internship, so you can stop wondering if you’re out of the woods yet.
Murray Edwards – Never Grow Up
Changing it’s name from New Hall only back in 2008, Murray Edwards really is the baby of the bunch. We know we can’t protect you from the world forever, Murray Edwards, but for as long as we can, we’ll try to give you enough pocket money for a garden party.
Selwyn – Fearless
Selwyn may be the bravest college. After a seven year hiatus, they triumphantly returned with their may ball last year. With the master’s ‘very large cat’, Selwyn breaks down divisions and binaries in any way it can. To quote the truly inspirational O2 advert, Selwyn teaches us to be more dog. Selwyn teaches us to be fearless.
Catz – SuperStar
Wikipedia says that St Catherine’s College is notable for its open court, rather than having a closed quad. That sounds somewhat noteworthy. Sorry Catz, I know nothing about you, and just can’t bring myself to make a limp cat-related pun. So you guys can all just be superstars. Oh, okay then. SuperStar was the purrfect choice.
Christ’s – 22
This song really captures the Cambridge struggle. The future is a scary place: applying for graduate schemes, the burgeoning start of your political career, or simply a life on the doll. Being 22 in Cambridge may not be as fun or easy as it was for Taylor.
But hey, at least if you’re at Christ’s, Cindies is always waiting. So screw your Goldman Sachs application and your essay deadlines because I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22.