Being sexually experimented on sucks

Cambridge is a time to explore – but don’t be a dick about it

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We often can’t choose who we are attracted to; it’s simply an unfortunate lesson in life. But all of the guys I have been with who have caused me the most annoyance and drama have been those unsure of their sexuality. I have been involved with my fair share of ‘straight’ guys.

If I got a pound for every remark about how different it is to kiss a guy with a beard, or how head feels different when it’s a guy’s mouth instead of a girl’s I would be a very wealthy man.

People are perfectly entitled to be sexually confused. I was for long time. I thought I was straight and was convinced I was going to grow up and marry a woman. How wrong I was. It is perfectly normal to want to experiment with people when you’re unsure. It is the best – and only – way of discovering your sexuality.

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Experiment, but don’t be a dick about it

But in my experience, alot of guys think that being unsure of their sexuality is carte blanche to be an absolute dick.

It goes from the small scale. One of my male friends once thought it would be fun to try kissing a guy. He then loudly and immediately talked about how disgusting it had been. That’s just rude. He wouldn’t have done it with a girl, and yet somehow with me, it’s ok.

Only recently a guy I liked got with me and immediately told me he was in a “committed relationship” with a woman. I questioned his use of the word committed, but all aside, it stung.

The worst is when the experimentation is long-term, and there is a level of emotional involvement.  It is one thing be dumped, but quite another to also realise that you were just chalked up as a failed experiment.

All of the things mentioned here are examples of people being absolute cunts. It isn’t just because they are being sexually experimental. The issue is that people feel that its OK to act with an utter lack of respect on the basis of being sexually confused. It’s just an excuse.

It's not always such a laugh

It’s not always such a laugh

Coming to terms with ones sexuality is in itself a difficult thing. Yet the people being experimented on have feelings too.

I can’t just choose to switch off feelings because someone, in the process of ‘finding themselves’, is being disrespectful and obnoxious.For me, it is made worse by the fact that a lot of these straight guys have not been randomers. They have been friends who have seen me as an easy target for experimentation without seeing that there might be a higher likelihood of me becoming attached.

University is a time to experiment. People think, ‘Oh wow, I’ve only ever really done girls before, I wonder what it’s like to suck a cock’. These guys engage in often damaging experimentation before deciding that it’s all been fun, but really, it’s vaginas all the way for them.

I’m all for open and free sexuality.

Just remember that experimentation isn’t some special sexual realm where everything is acceptable and no one gets hurt.