Spoof News Is Good News: Week 3
Look out hipsters, this season’s news comes in DENIM. SUE DENIM.
Latest new: a spoof reporter resorts to puns to get a larger readership. Preliminary research suggests everyone laughed. Including you. More on this as the story progresses.
Cambridge ‘best university in the world’, reports American military
Enlightened Trinity on track to divert all suspicious investments into puppy and rainbow fund: “We were shocked to find we were funding the DANGEROUS kind of military drone.”
Google Glass back on sale to public; nihilistic monotony of day-to-day life augmented into advanced, futuristic monotony; “This is how people will stare aimlessly into the middle distance in 2100.”
Thoughts of CUSU referendum’s far-reaching consequences terrify students into inaction
CUSU make CUSU announcement regarding CUSU’s CUSU of CUSU, reports CUSU. CUSU.
Gary Barlow reassures fans: “I fully believed at the time it was an honest, morally upright tax-emption scheme from which I would profit greatly, at the expense of taxpayer’s public services.”
Hollywood praised for casting actors with larger figures in latest blockbusters: “We must take responsibility for the kind of body images we bring across. Godzilla is just one drop in a large, prejudiced ocean.”
ADC middlemen raise ticket prices by £1; Occupy movement diverted to Park Street
Dark and mysterious young man refuses to reveal his sources, latest Examiners’ Report muses
English student’s dedicated studies reveal existence of long-forgotten Paper 7 module; friend’s text asks to walk over to exam together
No trace of elusive ‘Anon’ journalist on university database
Rumoured sightings of that guy you once got with
Sadistic undergraduates gather to deface flesh of murdered plant-life, ancient ritual/bacchanalia to last for three and a half hours
Sexual tension of UL reading room near breaking point; reservation slip handed in as provocatively as possible
Stay tuned for next week, in which reporter SUE DENIM will report on Whoknowswhat. The news can’t get old if it never happened. It will always be news.