Elly Booth – Quit the sex chat and buy me roses

Forget being wooed by the Blue promising great sex, ELLY BOOTH would rather have a party with her mom.

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Tomorrow is one of my favourite days of the year – MY BIRTHDAY (eek!). Friday is another one. Roll on with Valentine’s Day!

I have a lot of favourite days: Christmas, Pancake Day, Midsummer’s Eve, Halloween, New Years Eve… Basically, I love any day that acts as an excuse for Mom and I to have a party.

I love the cards, the bouquets of my favourite flowers – roses (take note!) – the boxes of chocolates, the teddy bears… They all look so lovely on the shelves of Clintons.

Then you remember you are in Cambridge. Whatever those tour guides tell you, Girton College marks the threshold to one of the most unromantic cities in the world. Not even the chat up lines are up to scratch.

You can forget anyone treating you to an “Are you hurt? Because I pretty sure you fell from heaven”. That just doesn’t exist in Cambridge.

It took a visiting non-Cantab Rugby player about twenty-minutes to convince me that his (rather lacking) looks weren’t everything and that he was definitely the guy for me (well at least until the lights came up). His twenty minutes of funny and charismatic ‘chat’ was infinitely more charming than anything that has come out of the mouth of a Cantab.

The tragically missed potential of Cambridge...

The tragically missed potential of Cambridge…

Let us look in depth at the Cambridge specimen. One shockingly handsome Blue tried his luck with the line “you have three options”.

Momentarily intrigued by the words issuing forth from the beautiful mouth I had been kissing for the past two hours, I allowed him to continue. “One: you come back with me now and we have the best sex in the world. Two: we get a drink and then you come back with me and we have sex all night – oh and the bar is closed. Three: we part ways and never talk to each other again”. Gosh, that was the easiest decision of my life.

I went with Option Three.

The thing is I thought it couldn’t get easier than that. Then came the “I am wearing red trousers. Please fuck me?” Gosh that decision was even easier than deciding John’s was better than Trinity (to be honest I thought John’s was Trinity when I looked round, but hey that is totally irrelevant).

Now, when using words gets too difficult there is always the more direct approach. Like the rather bear-like Hughes Haller who decided fireman-lifting me out of Life and back to his during Freshers’ was the best idea. It wasn’t.

Most of the boys in Cindies have been having less success than Moye’s side this season, unless they are adorned with their trusty sidekick of a Blues Blazer or a drinking society tie, in which case they are highly likely to get a fresher back with them.

But for those of you who would like to seduce with more than an item clothing, use one romantic line and you might be even get one of those ridiculously hot girls who have a blue for playing the sport with the stick (we all know the ones I am talking about).

So as you near the Day Of Love, trade in your horny remarks and try the roses. After all, if you make a real impression, you can booty call her for the rest of Lent. And maybe Exam term too! Aren’t you the lucky one!

Have a Happy Monday. I eagerly await your flowers (LOL, ROFL etc). Loves xx