Week Five Rescue Food

Week five, whadda bitch.

They make a hoo-ha out of it for a reason. Your supervisors are disappointed with your ‘progress’, your friends hate you (“No, I didn’t borrow your Pilot pen, stop freestyle-accusing me, jeez”), the days are getting more brutish and solitary by the second.

One way to bludgeon the blues is to get down to some procrastinatory cooking. It may not help you with your essay (or, um, problem sheet?), but it’ll assuredly ensure you remain calm in the face of the shitshow. The following three recipes offer comfort food at its most unapologetic – fattening, ugly and basic, but delicious. And if you’ve miraculously managed to swerve around the field-razing madman that is The Middle of Term, well done you, have a chow to congratulate yourself.

Week Five Salted Flapjacks

I make these constantly, partly because they’re delicious, but mostly because I can cook them in my Gyp room microwave, which has an oven function. Mostly this oven function doesn’t function, but it just about manages to handle the 160 degrees C needed for this recipe.

Flap that jack

In a large saucepan, melt 150g of butter with 150g of golden syrup. Add two very generous pinches of salt. When combined, stir in 250g oats and a heaped tablespoon of self-raising flour. Stir together before adding about a handful of chopped fresh figs, and milk chocolate chips. Press into a grease-proof paper-lined tin and cook at 160 degrees for about 20 minutes.

Week Five Pecan and Maple Butter

If you have a coffee blender, this will make your life decidedly more enjoyable. I tend to eat it with a spoon, though I think the correct thing is to spread it onto bagels.

Pecan I have some more?

 Place two handfuls of pecans in a coffee bean grinder. Pulse until the texture of breadcrumbs. In a bowl, mix with one tablespoon of maple syrup and one tablespoon of cream cheese. Add a sprinkle of chilli powder. Stir till smooth and transfer into a jar. Keep refridgerated

Broad bean and bacon spaghetti

No oven required. Wahoo.

Francis? Would you like some bacon?

Start boiling about 100g of spaghetti in some salted water. Meanwhile fry up 4 rashers of bacon, chopped into small bits, along with 1 clove of garlic. While it’s crisping up, whisk an egg up in a mug, adding 1 tablespoon of Philadelphia and 1 tablespoon of grated parmesan. Five minutes into the pasta boiling, tip in a handful of shelled fresh broad beans (though peas will also do). When the pasta is cooked, drain it all. Tip the pasta into the frying pan and combine with the bacon. Turn off the heat and quickly stir in the sauce. Serve immediately with lots of parmesan on the top.