Tab Blind Date: Jess and Pran

Jess and Pran were the second couple to be match made by The Tab. Find out below whether sparks flew or swords crossed, and do apply yourself if you’re hungry for either a shot at love, or a free meal.

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Jess is a first year Art Historian at Corpus who once wet herself on a swing in year ten.

Preconceptions?

All I’d been told about Pran was that he was so short he had his shoes bespoke made with little heels for extra height so I was carefully examining all the footwear of passers-by as I waited. I had also composed a poem for Pran and sent to him in preparation, and tweeted him, but he never replied, so I had my reservations about our compatibility from the outset.

First impressions?

Pran was 20 minutes late and I was five minutes early, which gave me time to perfect my nonchalant waiting pose. When he arrived he came with a drunken male entourage which was a little menacing. There’s a fine line between blind date and gang bang. He wasn’t nearly as short as I was expecting, and was dressed sharply. His shirt was largely unbuttoned, revealing a gold chain swinging emphatically around his broad neck. It glinted in the evening light as he strolled towards me.

What did you talk about?

We discovered that both of us had planned freaky opening lines such as “I think I have head lice”, but found that when we met, we saw remarkably eye to eye for a blind date and chose not to use them. We spoke about hot topics such as the racial and economic divides in India and South Africa, mutual friends, my keen production of naked selfies, a shared love for R&B, Pran’s disastrous first kiss and my ice-breaking introduction on my first day of sixth form: “Hi, I’m Jess and I’m on my period.”

Were you on form?

I think so. I was wearing my lucky combination of my generally loathed snakeskin shirt and no knickers, which always serves me well.

Best thing about your date?

I was thrilled to find that Pran had printed out our Dojo’s voucher because I’d assumed he wouldn’t bother and would leave it to me. Now I have a spare voucher which I can illicitly re-use. He very generously bought me two glasses of wine which weren’t included in the deal.

Worst thing about your date?

Pran consistently tried and failed to entertain the waiters with banterous remarks, but they didn’t appreciate it at all, perhaps because we weren’t paying, or perhaps because they thought he was an idiot. I also couldn’t work out whether I should pronounce “Pran” to rhyme with “bran” as he said it, or factor in his broad Mancunian twang and rhyme it with “barn”. Oddly, we couldn’t reach a conclusion.

Trajectory of the date?

An enviable trajectory of starting on a high and getting higher. There were no silences or awkward moments which would constitute a blip

Would you introduce him to your friends?

Pran’s a pretty entertaining guy so definitely. A couple of his friends had mysteriously coincided their meal at Dojo’s with ours, so Pran was one step ahead of the introduction game.

Could he meet your parents?

In as much as my Dad dislikes every boy I introduce him to and my Mum wants me to marry them, yes.

If you could change one thing about the evening, what would it be?

Sex in the lavatories was a bit sordid, I think I would have preferred his place.

Marks out of 10?

1 being a date with Josef Fritzl and 10 with George Clooney, a very respectable 8.

Are you going to meet again?

I owe him a drink so I hope so.

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Pran is a second year Economist from Caius who missed on his first kiss and ended up licking the girl on the chin. That girl is now a lesbian.

Preconceptions?

She wrote me a poem beforehand. It read:
I won’t be late,
I ain’t gonna hate,
I love a blind date,
And I’m looking to mate.                                                                                    

Preconceptions? What a weirdo. Then I Facebook stalked her and discovered a kinky revision photo – caption: all this revision is making me hot – double weird. But maybe a little bit sexy?

First impressions? 

Pretty strong. Any girl that doesn’t mind that their date has arrived twenty minutes late is worth having a free dinner with, at the very least. She was, however, unimpressed by my innocent attempt to caress her bum as we posed for our couples photo.

What did you talk about?

Her last blind date (she appears to be a bit of a blind date whore), her onanistic telephone tendencies, her hatred of racial discrimination and her preference for small Indian men.

Were you on form?

I was in the height of alcoholic ecstasy following my post-exam pub binge, so yes, I thought I was on top form. I was enjoying my usual high quality banter with the waiters and she seemed suitably impressed.

Best thing about your date?

The conversation was pretty free flowing. I had memorised a few ‘interesting’ anecdotes to try and come across fun. I don’t think she got most of my jokes but at least she made an effort and pretended to find them funny.

Worst thing about your date?

She ordered these terrible green pea things. Pretending to like them was painful.

Trajectory of the date?

Don’t really understand this question.

Would you introduce her to your friends?

Two of my friends coincidently turned up so I had to introduce her to them. They approved, so she’s already passed that test.

Could she meet your parents?

No, definitely not. Its not her fault though. She just isn’t brown.

If you could change one thing about the evening, what would it be?

I would have liked a more intimate setting. I wasn’t able to go through my full charm routine in Dojo’s.

Marks out of 10?

Much better than I had first expected. We got on really well even though we are quite different people: a solid 7.24.

Are you going to meet again?

Hopefully, she owes me a couple of drinks. I did manage to get her number so we’ll see. Don’t think I’m ‘edgy’ enough for her though.

Jess and Pran enjoyed their dinner at Dojo’s. If you’d like to participate in The Tab’s next blind date, please email [email protected] with your name, college, sexuality and a single interesting fact about yourself.