The definitive A-Z guide to being a Bristol University student

Congrats on making it here

So, one way or another, you've ended up here in Bristol. With its rich history, vibrant culture and dynamic economy, it's not surprising that the city was recently named the coolest in all of the UK.

But whilst numerous books extol Bristol's virtues, no such guide exists for students at the university itself.

Fear not, for below is a complete A-Z of every place you will need to know if you're one of the 22,000 students here at Bristol in 2017.

The ASS- where dreams go to die

The ASS- where dreams go to die

A is for Alteregos, All Bar One, Avon Gorge and The Apple– all bars of varying merit that'll you'll probably visit at some point during first year. However during the next two years you'll probably spend more time at the ASS, praying for the floor inside the library to swallow you up.

B is for 'Bargs, aka Mbargo, everybody's second favourite Triangle club. Other Bs include The Brass Pig (traditional pre-Bargs watering hole) and the nightclubs Blue Mountain and Basement 45. Along the way you'll likely get lost in the Bearpit and chunder at the feet of the polar bear.

C is for Clifton and more specifically the Clifton Suspension Bridge. A picture here is obligatory for any self-respecting Bristol student. In addition C is for Cider– the favoured tipple of 'locals'- and Cabot Tower from which you can admire your kingdom from up on high.

Jason Donervan- the pun eventually gets less amusing

Jason Donervan- the pun eventually gets less amusing

D is for Donervans, the main take away outlet on Triangle. Meanwhile Dominoes and Deliveroo deliver some of Bristol's finest cuisine, serving early morning revellers returning from the yomp across The Downs.

E is for Eastville, an area of Bristol you'll inevitably stumble upon one night and then never choose to visit again.

F is for Flipside. You'll probably go here for expensive cocktails with a girl from Churchill who'll break your heart.

G is for Gap Yah. A lot of people you meet in freshers week will be like the guy in this sketch. There's also Gold Rush in spring term.

H is for High Renaissance Man, a faux documentary mini-series based on all the stereotypes about trustafarian Bristol students. Also Halls of Residence, which you think defines you but doesn't in the slightest. There's also Hotwells, full of colourful houses you hope to one day live in but probably won't.

Halls of residence- you'll learn the chants in due course

Halls of residence- you'll learn the chants in due course

I is for IKEA. Spoiler: Bristol has very few things beginning with I.

J is for Jersey Lily, a popular pub at the top of Whiteladies. If you live in halls, you'll probably stop here en route to a bar crawl/messy sesh.

K is for King's Street, an absolutely beaut 17th-century street in the old part of the city, chock full of pubs including Kongs which features arcades, ping pong and table football.

L is for Lizard Lounge. Known universally as 'Lounge', this hotbed of cheesy tunes is a rite of passage for all Bristol students. Alternative clubs beginning with L are Lola Los– Hawaiian themed night club just opposite on the Triangle- as well as Lakota and Love Inn in Stokes Croft.

Motion- Bristol's biggest nightclub

Motion- Bristol's biggest nightclub

M is for Motion, supposedly the 19th best nightclub in the world and home to gurners across the city. Here you can enjoy local sights like Bradley Gunn-Britain's biggest sober raver- before heading to M&Ms afterwards for nuggets. M is also for Memes– 'Wills Meme-orial Building' and 'Class In the ASS' provide more than enough of these on FB.

N is for Nos. You'll likely find hundreds of these canisters lying about the streets of Bristol during your time here. N is also for the Nandos where both David Cameron and the worst date in the world enjoyed a meal.

O is for OMG Wednesdays, when entry before 11 is free at Bristol's leading gay club. Much loved features including classic tunes, Miss Tina Sparkles and a sex toy claw machine. O2 Academy also has some decent acts on.

Pam Pam- like it or loathe it, you can't ignore it

Pam Pam- like it or loathe it, you can't ignore it

P is for Pam Pam, Pryzm and Popworld– three different clubs, all equally terrible. There are also a number of Protests happening every week in Bristol- whether it's austerity, the NHS or Reclaim the Night- there'll be there come rain or shine.

Q is for Queen's Road. Along this hallowed stretch of land is everything you could need for a good time- good bars, terrible clubs and a massive Sainsbury's that does a roaring trade in students buying pre-drinks.

R is for Redland, where EVERYONE seems to live in second year. R is also for Racks bar and Red Tent, the pop up shop on campus which sells delicious but overpriced baguette .

Spoons- where all good bar crawls end

Spoons- where all good bar crawls end

S is for Spoons, namely the W.G Grace on Whiteladies and the Berkeley opposite Wills. Alternatively S is for Skins– Bristol's best known TV show- or Starter for Ten– Bristol's best known film. There's also the SJWs at the SU. And Stokes Croft, the most 'edgy' area in Bristol. Not to be confused with Stoke Bishop where six halls are based and where many students go on the annual Ski Trip. Basically there's a lot of Ss.

T is for Taka Taka, food of the gods. Located on The Triangle, other Ts include Thekla, the nightclub on a boat and The Ten O'Clock Shop in Clifton, where it's two bottles of wine for £5.50. There's Tokyo World festival and of course, The Tab – the news outlet you just love to hate.

UWE and Varsity- the best of enemies

UWE and Varsity- the best of enemies

U is for UWE or 'The University of the West of England' to give it its full title. Bristol's local rival, you'll probably bump into one of their students on a night out. U is also for Urban Tiger, the city's seedy strip club, where the uni shooting society used to hold their termly socials.

V is for Varsity where Bristol and UWE battle it out in a range of sports. Though it aims to promote friendly rivalry, in practice it does little of the kind. Last year a number of incidents saw the football match cancelled.

W is for Wavey Garms, the clothes favoured by Lakota and Motion revellers. Also there's Whiteladies Road– where you'll probably end up living at some point- Walkabout bar, The Waterfront and Wills Memorial Building. If you manage to endure three years here, WMB is where you'll end up receiving your degree.

Wavey Garms- expect to find a lot of these in Motion

Wavey Garms- expect to find a lot of these in Motion

X is for… not too much tbh although a former UKIP candidate did once try to recruit Bristol students for an X-rated film. Otherwise there's the famous eXhibition cider, served at the Cori Tap for the '10 before 10' challenge, or SWX, the massive nightclub you'll probably go to for 8 weeks in a row during first term, then never visit again after bumping into your ex there once too often.

Y is for Yume, the best Japanese restaurant in the city. There's literally nothing else beginning with Y.

Z is for Zoo. Ok we're struggling here, but Bristol Zoo is a pretty decent day out when the fam come to visit. There's also Za Za Bazaar, which offers all you can eat for £8.99. For the authentic Fresh Meat experience, try shoveling as much of it into napkins to slip out to eat later. Yum.

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