Every UoB guy you will meet on Tinder in Selly during lockdown

What are guys in Selly really like?

3 years ago

It’s the circle of talking stages and student life, don’t be ashamed if you have ended up back on tinder after swearing it off for good. A lack of UoB’s Fab or sports night will do that to you, or of course lockdown 2.0.

Tinder makes a good past time as well as entertainment for you and your friends so don’t be afraid to start swiping again.

If you are back on tinder enjoy this short guide for the types of UoB boys you may find on Tinder in Selly Oak during lockdown.

The boy with really dirty chat

Prepare yourself for some of the most creative and vulgar chat up lines you have ever heard. This guy will make your eyes burn. Honestly some of them are so bad they sound like a spells or torture methods.

The only positive is it can make for a good giggle with your housemates, but the lasting impression is understandably not classy. Take these lines with a pinch of salt, most of these boys don’t know their lefts from their rights and their up from down.

Most likely found in person at sports night or Stues so you should be fine now that neither of those are viable options. This guy most definitely is a STEM student, but if not then a politics student trying all the dirtiest tricks in the book (watch out Boris).

The BCU or Aston boy that want to be at UoB soooo badly

I do really feel for these guys since Selly seems to be overly populated with UoB students, but playing up to a UoB student isn’t going to do it or get you very far. Also be proud of your university, we all like a Birmingham city boy secretly.

The classic mirror selfie/f*** boy

Honestly for these boys, we get it you go gym and are proud. Good for you! You don’t need to keep telling us though.

The boy who super likes you

This, as flattering as it seems, does set alarm bells ringing for some reason? Never sure if its a compliment and its always awkward…

Hint: never use the superlike button. Also, let’s all admit that it’s too easy to use it accidentally and start giving people the benefit of the doubt – I’m sure you didn’t mean to click that, I hope.

The UoB boy on a sports team

Tinder is a breeding ground for these boys – rugby, hockey, rowing, they’re all on there. But take this as your warning, steer clear from these boys if you know what is good for you.

Sports Night at the guild may be over for now, but Circo is certainly making up for it so do yourself a favour and avoid at all costs.

The tall guy whose only personality trait is their height

Wow, something you can’t change or develop is your most interesting trait! You must be so cool, I bet you would be so useful! For real though just change your name to ladder as you are tall but have the personality of a wooden plank and charm of a metal pole.

The one who uses coronavirus chat up lines and has the subsequent personality of porridge

We have all heard the same lines since March being used and, in all fairness they were slightly original and humorous the first national lockdown. This time round please give it a rest and come up with something new. No one wants to read “Are you coronavirus? Because I want to the travel the world with you?”.

There’s enough on the news about it, we don’t need to hear that when being ‘wooed’ too please. Unlike the dirty dogs that you find on sports night when you go rogue, these guys are normally found at the S’Oak, not at The Goose just because they aren’t that fun.

The gym bunny

“I’ve seen you at the gym…” Now this is definitely up there in making you feel like you’re dripping in slime and should be looking over your shoulder. Selly Oak is small enough let alone Tiverton gym where you can’t really escape anyone’s direct line of sight.

On a scale of 1-10 of things that are weird or make the majority uncomfortable, this is up there. These muscle maniacs don’t venture far from the gym so you will find them in the guild on a Wednesday or Saturday, or even at a Circo Monday and of course the uni gyms when they are open.

Along with being creepy, if the first thing a guy talks about is the gym then maybe he has been working a bit too hard on flexing his biceps without any thought for his communication skills. Chances are these UoB Boys study physio or sports science. Leading us straight on to…

The guy with a name beginning with J

Okay so this is the biggest word of caution there is. Boys with names beginning with J tend to defend the territory of heart beakers the most.

James, Joe, Jack, Jordan, John, Joseph to name a few – get yourself out of there. Sure they will charm you and leave you grinning at your phone like it’s Circo Monday but remember, Circo can’t help you in lockdown!

Keep swiping and don’t stop until the danger is passed. Most probably language students who want to charm the pants off you, and the sense out of your head. Can be found in all the ugliest buildings on campus-cough cough Muirhead and Strathcona.