All the things they don’t tell you about living in a 10 person flat

You can’t even fit everyone’s names on the Chunder Chart

birmingham selly oak student the tab brum the vale UoB

Living in a 10 person flat is great. You meet nice, fantastic people and there’s always someone around to let you in when you’ve forgotten your key. But here are the five things  the Student Accommodation Brochure forget to mention about your living arrangements.

Pre drinks Get MESSY

Despite the fact that you have a larger number of people in your flat, your kitchen still seems the size of that of someone with six people. That, along with the fact that you only ever had nine kitchen chairs in the first place leads to drinking games destroying the entire kitchen.

When you wake up in the morning and stumble into the kitchen for a recovery crumpet you’ll view the destruction: the now-brown white table, the upturned chairs, the discarded beer cans and cracked rum bottles. You’ll sigh, waiting for one of the nine to deal with what looks like a crime scene, but is actually just the aftermath of Ring of Fire.

The number of times that doorbell will ring each day

Amazon Prime for Students is a wonderful thing. As is ASOS’ next day delivery. Along with literally every other company’s student discount. Whilst those student loans are still fresh in everyone’s bank account there will be parcels coming through that door an inordinate number of times each day.

Every time you sit down to tackle that referencing you’ve been putting off for a week, the doorbell will ring and you’ll have to retrieve your flatmate’s new shoes they simply HAD to get from the delivery man, who you now see more than you do your mum.

You will use at least one bottle of washing up liquid every day

It might be Aldi’s own or even the luxury that is Fairy, but either way that bottle of washing up liquid will be obliterated by 9pm. You don’t know which heathen seems to require half a bottle to wash their baked beans pan, but they’re bankrupting you very quickly.


Your cutlery is long gone

There is an unspoken rule that any cutlery left either on the drainer or in the washing up bowl becomes fair game. Who needs £1.70 sets from Wilko when you have your flatmates’ supply? One day you might see that fork you lost once upon a time, but that fork is now communal, a mere artefact of the injustice.

the remains of a 16 piece cutlery set

There is ALWAYS an eleventh Person

At least one person will have a night guest or friend staying for the weekend, every weekend, and this will just increase the queue for the shower in the morning. This just gets worse on open days, when everyone’s little sister moves in for the weekend.

Oh well, I guess more the merrier.