Everyone who irritates us in the library

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that there are rules of etiquette for the library and those not in possession of this expected conduct must be in want of a good kicking. But just in case you are not completely equated with the unwritten rules of library study let these examples of rule breakers be a lesson to you.

An empty library is the ideal library

The smelly one

We all know the library is not the place for formal fashion and comfy joggers/leggings are the perfect revision wear. However we fellow library users do ask, that while it’s fine to sacrifice fashion for a tricky deadline, it is not fine to stop washing. That ten minutes of your study day lost to showering is worthwhile for everyone – especially for those of us sharing a desk with you.

The loud eater

We all eat in the library but there are approved library food choices. Soup, bananas and couscous are ideal – whereas bringing your tuna sandwich on crusty bread with crunchy salad is a double sensual assault on those of us trying to concentrate in quiet zones. Get your smelly, noisy lunches out the library!

Don’t even thing about it.

The heavy nose breather

And talking of noise – while it is of course fine to breathe – if your breaths are measurable in decibels you may want to reconsider working where others are present. This is just not on when people are trying to work. Seriously. Snoring while you’re awake is not good for anyone.

The couple

If for some bizarre reason you consider the library as the perfect romantic site for your couple time please try not to be too loved up. It is never nice to be simultaneously reminded that not only do you know nothing for you upcoming exam, but you are going to die alone as well.

The computer hoarder

While bringing your laptop into the library is not only fine, but actively encouraged – please, please, please stop using it while also taking up a computer. We all know that getting a library computer is as rare as seeing a Giant Panda at New Street, so don’t rub your good fortune in our face by opening up your laptop. There is no reason why you can’t have Spotify open on a separate tab, not a separate screen.

Everyone hates you

The aggressive typist

Other library users do request that when you are typing (on a laptop or computer) that you do so quietly. It is nice that you are so successfully (and literally) smashing out that essay, but they’re computer keys not piano keys so shouldn’t make the same amount of noise.

The outsider

Go where you are wanted – not where you want to go. If you are a maths student you are not wanted in the Barber Library, Michelangelo was never known for his knowledge of quadratic equations. So stop taking up our precious artistic space with your grubby numbers, and we art students will promise to never invade the maths’ department … Deal?!

Nope… no algebra here

The story-teller

Your stage whispered conversation about hooooooow druuuuunk you got last night is really not impressing anyone here. We really don’t need reminding how revision has made us so socially impotent that our idea of an all-nighter has become watching the sun come up from a library window. So shhhhhh.

The fresher

If you are a Fresher you should give up your working space to an older year … no matter what … what are you even doing in the library? Really your commitment to studying is just plain selfish when some of us have dissertations to write.

The hard-worker

You are making us procrastinators look bad. If you want to actually study go home and leave me alone to silently draw pictures of smiley cactuses … guilt free.

First class doodling