You’re not fooling anyone with your Lent attempts

It’s that time of year again. A time of sacrificing the needless indulgences of 21st Century life. A time of reflecting on how you can improve as a person to benefit those around you. A time of focusing on what really matters in the world.

Oh no, wait. What it really means, is the time of year thousands of people subject themselves to an unnecessary torture, just so they can brag about it.

Giving something up for Lent? You’re fooling no one.

Look at all that yummy sin

First things first – what’s the deal with the concept of giving something up? Sure, we get the whole religious justification, but when was the last time you skipped out meat on a Friday or even went to church? What is it you’re really trying to do?

Don’t pretend you’re giving up chocolate for Jesus when everybody knows Lent is really just a glorified 40 day diet. Pretty sure if the Big Man is up there, he doesn’t care you finished off a tube of Pringles every Sunday while you watched Downton Abbey.

Lent is just another chance for you to have a go at your failed New Year’s Resolutions. And another chance to tell everybody within a five mile radius all about it.

How do these things work?

Besides, Lent gets the better of everyone in the end, anyway. No matter how drunk you were, your 4am Rooster’s still counts. All those cigarettes you had at Fab? Try talking your way out of that one. And everybody knows you haven’t been to the gym in two weeks, so stop pretending you have.

You’re going to cave in at some point, and by then you’ll either be a liar, or feeling disproportionately guilty for something you really should just enjoy.

The drunken shame

Never gonna give you up

By all means, celebrate Lent if that’s your thing. But can’t you think of something better than giving up everything you enjoy, just so you can brag to everyone you know? Self-righteousness just isn’t that pretty.

Nobody’s saying you have to dedicate 40 days to volunteering at shelters and going to church every day. Why not try going to the library more often? Or vow to cook your housemates dinner once a week? Or drop your spare change to someone selling the Big Issue?

Because really, all you’re doing is making yourself and everyone around you feel bad. And if you think you aren’t, you’re fooling yourself.