Why Valentine’s Day sucks

Someone needs to stop this madness


Valentine’s Day is a holiday that gets a lot of hate. Some think it’s dumb. Some call it manipulative. Some just dislike the amount the amount of cutesy kitsch on sale.

By now, I’ve come to expect the flowers on sale everywhere but there’s so much pink, heartshaped junk on sale every shop looks like Cupid’s diarrhoea. It’s just too much

But, does Valentine’s Day deserve all the anger directed towards it? Well, to work that out we need to dive deep into the complex history of gender relatio….

Ah fuck it, I can accept it – Valentine’s Day sucks.

I know I’m not the first person to bitch about V Day. And I won’t be the last.

But this holiday is horrible. It’s insincere, moneygrubbing and exclusionary. And the worst part is – we all know it and it doesn’t matter.

So many articles, statuses and tweets have been angrily typed about this topic you’d think there was actually some debate over Valentine’s Day. But there isn’t. You buy your partner something or you’re a dick. That’s what it comes down to.

I wonder what I should buy?

I wonder what I should buy?

We all know it’s stupid to create a set date to show someone you love them. But that doesn’t stop us.

We all know it’s an excuse for companies to push shitty RomComs starring Hugh Grant as an awkward yet charming businessman.

Or Hugh Grant as an awkward lawyer. Or Hugh Grant as an awkward yet charming PRIME MINISTER. Seriously, how the fuck does he handle Prime Minister’s Questions if he wets himself everytime he sees a girl?

But that doesn’t stop us.

Yeah, of course there are other holidays that have been hijacked by corporations that want to make a quick buck. I could just have easily have listed all the shitty Christmas movies that exist. But A) I don’t have the next 27 days to spend typing up all the bad Xmas films, and B) Christmas is at least fun.

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Pictured: Christmas levels of fun

Or take my favourite holiday – The Superbowl.

Okay, The Superbowl isn’t technically a holiday. But if the take the following week off nursing a hangover it counts. Plus all the dressing up, eating and drinking gives it a festival feeling. Even if it is only watching fast black guys and fat white guys headbutt each other.

The Superbowl is just as commercialised as Christmas or Valentine’s Day. But at least it’s fucking awesome. And if you don’t think so, you don’t watch it. There’s no social pressure to see it, unlike Valentines Day.

Obviously, V Day is no fun if you’re single. At best it’s just another day. At worst it’s 24 hours of being reminded how lonely you are.

I’m in a relationship now but I wasn’t for 17 long Valentine’s Days. And hanging around with people in relationships on those days was like being invited to an orgy, only to find out you’re just there to hold the camera.

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No-one should have to film this

But being in a relationship isn’t much more fun on those days either. You wake up, give each Poundland gifts, say how much you love each other and maybe go to the one star restaurant that actually still has room on V Day.

Yet, we still do it every year. Because no one wants to be the one who doesn’t do something.

Well, fuck Valentine’s Day. This year I’m not getting my girlfriend anything. Except a card. And some choclate. And maybe some flowers.

I’m mean I’m not a dick.