The worst things about campus

From the rotating doors of death to the nuclear bomb site that is the Strathcona building, there’s definitely a lot left to be desired.

We all love Birmingham University. Nothing screams “prestigious redbrick” like a giant clock tower and an array of grade listed buildings, and we take great care to remind our friends of that.

But we would be doing ourselves a disservice if we failed to point out the travesties doing our campus injustice, and my god are there some horrific perpetrators.

Whether it’s ugly concrete bunkers or infuriating customer service, it’s high time they were stamped out, much to the benefit of everyone.

The University Centre 

The building itself looks like it could have been designed by a two year old, but the main issue with the main campus eatery is the horrific queueing time.

They say good things come to those who wait, but no burrito, no matter how good, is worth braving the gargantuan line that snakes its way around the food hall.

What’s worse is the aroma wafting from the pulled pork and spicy chicken, likely to send you into a fit of hunger pangs, forcing you to hold out, in the hope that you will eventually reach the front.

Possibly the most heart-breaking, tear-jerking part of everyone’s week. Welcome to the burrito queue of broken dreams my friends.

Old Joe’s bad time keeping

He’s the grandest asset to grace our campus, but age is definitely starting to catch up on the old boy.

You’d think a clock that can boast the title of world’s tallest clocktower would be configured properly, but sadly it seems Joe just can’t keep up with the pace anymore.

And it’s becoming a source of anxiety for the less organised among us.

Nothing is worse than flying across the square in a race against the hour chime, only to get into a lecture that started 5 minutes beforehand.

It’s about time someone got Joe’s old clogs back up to the standards we expect.

 The library central heating

God are we glad they’re demolishing this pile or mortar.

There’s a list as long as your arm of things wrong with the library, but the number one issue that pushes us over boiling point is the central heating.

In the winter months it seems to have only two settings: on or off.

Coming in from the freezing cold to the tropical heat is enough to break out into an awkward sweat and make you want to hurl your coat across the computer area.

Not that we aren’t grateful for central heating, but sitting in the Quiet Zone mid-November drenched from your winter-tropics transition is not a pleasant experience.

The 39 steps

It’s not just central heating that gets us all hot and bothered, the never ending staircases all over campus are the bane of our commute.

If you have ever had a seminar beyond the first floor of buildings such as Arts, Law and Poynting, then you’ll know about the calf pumping, lung gasping experience that such a journey presents.

Some of us are just not cut out for hiking, and when you throw in a pair of tight jeans, it’s a recipe for exhaustion.

Arriving to your lecture so out of breath you are in genuine fear of blacking out is not a rarity.

 The rotating doors of doom

It seems near-death experiences are a common theme at Birmingham, and rest assured, life expectancies will be reduced should you run the revolving door gauntlet.

There is always one impatient knob in front of you who insists on sprinting through, sending you into a spiralling rush to get through, or be sent sprawling.

Many have already got stuck in the death-traps.

It’s just a matter of time before they take an innocent and unsuspecting student down.

Fukushima: aka Strathcona

Most people hate the late 1970s and 80s because of Thatcherism, punks and skinheads, with a good measure of economic gloom thrown in.

We hate it because they built this desecration.

This dark and depressing concrete bunker is the blackhead staining the scenic layout of the university.

If its uninviting shell is dingy, the interior is just as bad, if not worse. The dark rooms make for a gloomy atmosphere, and it would be adverse to your mental health to spend a great deal of time in here.

Maybe it was built as an example of how not to build things, that’s the only explanation possible.

 ‘This place looks like a building site’

We know it’s going to look incredible when it’s done, and be of major benefit to students, but that doesn’t disguise or diminish the fact it looks awful in the meantime.

The cranes not only spoil the backdrop, they’re noisy and distracting too.

And perhaps the most frustrating part for third years is that they’ll never be able to reap the rewards when it’s built.

Tragic.

Is there anything that grinds your gears on campus? Fancy having a rant in electronic format? Send us your gripes to [email protected].