People to avoid on a night out

The podium shover – Is she hunting for the glory of dancing solo to the crowds, or is she just an aggressive toad? Either way, she’s on a mission to introduce your face to the floor.

caught in the act

The sneaky bar weasel – You’ll catch this rat plodding around at the back of the queue then, before you know it, he’s weaselled his way to the front like a greedy worm. He’s leaning over the bar waving his tenner, as if the barman is a legs 11 stripper.

The drunk swayer – This wasted oaf is constantly falling into you, eyes are rolling, mouth dribbling, and although he’s helpless, it’s hard to have sympathy after he’s spilled his drink all over your white dress.

One too many WKDs for this chap

The serial sharker – Skulking around the club with a creepy grin and a sweaty upper lip, he grinds up behind the nearest girl and can’t take the hint to take his ugly face and his ugly boner away. Pie off pervert.

The fighter – Someone’s had a beer and feeling a bit lairy, so he’s looking for a fight – and more often than not he’ll find some poor sod to unleash the rage on… (more likely he’s trying to make up for his miniature willy).

The heel stomper – The girl with the 6 inch heels/weapons she can’t walk in who a) didn’t learn heels on nights out are a no-no (why would you wear heels to the guild?) and b) crushes your poor defenceless feet without a sorry.

The hair flicker – The girl attempting to incorporate a sexy hair flick into her dancing and ends up slapping you in the face with her wild mane so you can taste the herbal essences… mmmm. You’re seducing no one, get a hair cut.

Face-eaters with wandering hands – Nightclub romances get out of hand with these horny little rabbits creating mini porn shows on the dance floor. Go home and finish the dirty where your friends can’t see you please.

The Vodbull having a perv

Unfortunately, these are all the people you will probably encounter on the dancefloor. Well, if you can’t beat them, join ’em!