Forget the gas shortage, just get kinky

Most of us in the student bubble float about in a blissful state of ignorance. So it might be a shock to hear that:

1)     Current issues are relevant to you (There’s a BIT of a gas crisis going on).

2)     More of your hard earned, or perhaps otherwise, cash will be going on gas bills this winter with 4 out of the 6 big companies to raise bills by an average of 9.1%, with the remaining two expected to follow suit shortly.

So, how can you avoid a nasty surprise coming through the letterbox a few months after your student loan is all but gone on rent and, in my case, cheap white wine?

1.   Have sex. And lots of it. A steamy session will get your blood pumping so that thermostat can be turned right down. Try: “You’re bound to save money on energy on bills if you head back to mine after Fab.”

Who could resist Jamie with his I-just-escaped-from-jail look?

2.    Wear that hideous Hello Kitty/ Tiger/ Spongebob/ Whatever onesie whenever you’re in the house. Snug and adorable, what could be better?

Hello Kitty isn’t the most endearing look I’m afraid Gary

3.  Put the thermostat on a timer, so when you’re out partying or falling asleep watching ‘Mean Girls’, you won’t forget to turn the heating off.

4.   Take a bath with your partner/friend/shag buddy. Reduce the amount of water you use and whip out the old rubber duck, or a more adult waterproof toy: all up to you.

5.  Go to Rooster House for dinner, every day. No need to use that oven, you can get your daily calories for just a couple of quid from this sacred diner.

6.    You should appoint a radiator checker, you could even make them an authoritative badge. There is always going to be one person, who ‘really feels the cold’ and if said housemate insists on sleeping in a sauna like conditions, they can pay the bill.

7.    Shower at the uni gym. If you have gym or swim membership, just pop in before lectures for a nice, long and totally free shower. Or even shower together with someone in the uni showers: even more environmentally friendly.

8.   Shop around. Don’t stay your current provider out of laziness. Sites such Uswitch and Moneysupermarket allow you to compare prices evenly, and save up to £240 annually

9.  Open the curtains in the morning and draw them at dusk. This keeps the heat in and means you can dance around to the Lion King soundtrack in private, if you so wish. You may need to steal a cat for the full effect, not that we would condone that sort of behaviour…