With Freshers’ Fortnight coming to an end, our pockets will have been severely drained.

This will force the majority onto the cheapskate wagon until payday.

What swall is best to buy when pockets are empty and the future seems bleak??

Buckfast

An old favorite, we were delighted this year to hear Buckfast in cans is a real possibility.

Safer than bottles, the Scots have seen this is a positive as it will lower the chance of Buckfast bottle violence.

However, the vast consumer range of Buckfast drinkers don’t really tend to have a classy image as it is, and many believe the new cans will lower their reputation even more.

One avid customer said: “It’s as if they want the world to know we’re scumbags!”

The traditional 75cl glass bottle is usually sold at just over £7.

Of course for the more high-end social drinkers, this seems fairly cheap, but for the majority of us skint students, Buckfast prices have rocketed.

Yet the 15% alcohol and 100ml of caffeine found in the 750ml bottles  (which is equivalent to 8 cans of cola), Buckfast indeed gets you fucked fast.

Chardalusco

Chardalusco, a fine cider that looks like wine but tastes, according to one friend, “like piss-water”.

Simple and practical, it doesn’t come in a variety of different shapes or sizes.

Merely a 1.8 litre plastic bottle, which is both safe, and absolutely great for parties.

No broken glass- the only mess you’ll see is yourself in the mirror.

Although every bottle says there’s 20% free, no one known to mankind seems to have ever finished a full bottle of the stuff.

A mendacious drink, it only contains 7.5% alcohol per bottle and is also deceivingly carbonated upon opening it.

Nevertheless, once you reach the label, you’re more or less fucked, and by that stage it’s probably gone flat anyway and tastes like the contents of a portaloo.

In 2012 “Valée D’or Chardalusco” was sold for around £2.59 yet now is £3.99 in Wineflair (which seems to be the only place you can buy it).

Elusive and mysterious, no one is fully sure whether it really is a wine or a cider, and although it won’t get you as messy as Buckfast, you will be buzzin’ all night, even if you don’t actually remember it yourself.

In order to further compare the drinks, two willing volunteers had a night out pre-drinking on each.

Their findings suggest Chardalusco will only induce vomiting if you attempt to sink the whole bottle in one.

Buckfast, however, will inevitably result in your innards being down a toilet both that night and the morning after.

Ellen Clarke is a Graphic Design student at UUJ and an avid proponent of Buckfast.

Describing her 20th birthday, she said: “I always felt Buckfast brought out the scumbag in people.

“One night I smuggled a bottle into a club, and  minutes later I was boking my ring up in the toilets.

“Naturally, upon arriving home I went straight for the remainder of my drink.

“Only the others who were drinking Buckfast stayed up with me.

“At one point I decided to break into my boyfriend’s house before going to his en-suite for additional vomiting.

“I was woken at 6.30am when he nearly peed on me.

“Hugging his toilet seat, I’d passed out, naked, in the dark.”

If you want to go for the cheaper but slightly classier image when getting pissed up, Chardy seems to be your winner.

Not many people know of its existence, so not many can then deem you a scumbag.

With a name  deceptively similar to Chardonnay,  you can get away with seeming like a sophisticated drunkard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glTd3sW5zGA

If you’re looking to stay up four hours on a proper binge session, Buckfast is probably the best approach.

It might damage your liver and you’ll probably to heave up your stomach, but you’re here for a good time, not a long time.

Choose wisely. Drink responsibly.