You can only call yourself a posh girl if you do all of these 13 things on your birthday

We all know a posh girl who loves her birthday. It’s a day, week, or (usually) month that’s totally about her. And that level of celebration involves a lot of fake tanning, blow-drying, and Instagram posting: usually with a cowgirl hat or disco ball in tow. Remember Sophie Habboo’s second hen do in Paris? Basically, that vibe is the ultimate goal.

And that’s just the party with her friendship group. Back at her parent’s house in the home counties, she’s probably got piles of presents (Vivienne Westwood necklaces, mini scarves, Fiorucci baby tees) waiting for her. There’s no limit to the number of treats she deserves. Another year of ageing is TOUGH.

If you think your birthday celebrations have a hint of Made in Chelsea party princess about them, then you need to consult this list of all the things posh girls undeniably do on their birthdays— whether everyone else likes it or not. Because, honestly, only posh girls need a Pinterest-perfect cake to make the day feel “special”.

1. Have morning PJ breakfast with your besties

Croissants, balloons, and excited screaming in your pyjamas are the only elements that will start your day off right. You act surprised when your housemates reveal the spread, but everyone knows serious sulking would’ve started if they hadn’t made an absolute fuss.

2. Facetiming your gap yah friends across the globe

If there’s one thing posh girls are it’s well travelled and, as such, you’ve got friends from your uni year abroad, gap yah, and various second homes, all over the world. Messages will flood in from various countries in the early hours and with some drama-debrief Facetime calls scheduled for later in the weekend.

3. Wearing a literal crown

Really, it’s your parent’s fault for buying you a princess dress to wear on your birthday when you turned six. That uniform has stuck with you for life and now you absolutely won’t get in the birthday spirit unless there’s a tiara on your head, a sash across your chest and a badge that flashes “23” obnoxiously in everyone’s eye line. Hooray!

4. Unwrapping gifts from a very extensive pre-prepared list

You know what you want and exactly how to get it. So, parents, boyfriends, life partners, pals and acquaintances aren’t left to their own devices when it comes to picking you a present. No, there’s a list. Filled with obnoxious options to break the bank of anyone who’s on a standard wage. Failing that, you’ll accept bottles of prosecco, gin and Jo Malone candles.

5. Getting upset if the wrapping paper isn’t nice

Obviously, it’s not just the present itself but the way it’s wrapped that’s important and you’ll feel totally shortchanged if your gifts aren’t bundled up in designer paper from Liberty or, at worst, Oliver Bonas. It’s just the level of effort you’d put in for someone else, so why can’t you expect the same !!!

6. Undergoing several pre-event pamper treatments

Nails, blowdry, facial, spray tan- you know the drill. You need to get ready to party for at least five hours and the whole body MOT will cost approximately £200.

7. Buying a new and very elaborate birthday outfit

You’ve been scrolling online for a new birthday dress for months and there’s just one must-have element: it needs to sparkle. Ideally, no one else celebrating your birthday with you will wear the same colour dress. But you’re not going to put that on the invitations – are you? You’d never be that controlling x

8. Booking set menu celebrations at an Instagram-aesthetic restaurant

Gloria Trattoria, Sketch, Aqua Kyoto, etc. Just something low-key that’s going to cost everyone a minimum of £75 x

9. Pinterest perfect cake

You know the cake we mean. Piped icing. A personalised message in baby pink. “Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you” chanted from every corner of the restaurant while you look shocked and bashful. That’s the dream, anyway.

10. Vintage film cameras documenting absolutely everything

You look natural, glowy, and gorgeous – after a fifteen-minute content-creation production inside an otherwise low-key pub.

11. An all-night event none of your friends can keep their eyes open for

Despite starting your day at dawn, you don’t stop after dinner. Posh girls keep going until 2AM minimum and nobody can leave before you because it’s “your day”. Whether at an all-night DJ event at a vibey rooftop bar or on a private table in a Mayfair club, nobody is going home until they’ve waved a sparkler and chanted your name. End of.

12. Crying as soon as you’re left alone

Hot girls cry on their birthday, that’s just a fact – or so TikTok tells you. And you’re fully ready to lean in to this stereotype because, for some inexplicable reason, even though you’ve got everything you’ve wanted all day, as soon as your Ubers ordered the waterworks start. You worry your friendships are a sham. You can’t finish your kebab.

But, inevitably, you’ll wake up the next morning and realise drunk you was being so melodramatic. Best night ever.

13. Celebrating again at your family home the very next day

Much to the exhaustion of your liver and everyone else around you, your party train never ends. And, thanks to your seriously forgiving family, there’s a second cake, sash and pile of presents waiting for you at your home counties home.

Ah, the rolling hills of Surrey. It really is the only place you can properly recover from a hangover.

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