Dear Love Is Blind: Your relentless casting of terrible men is making women the butt of the joke

I’m disappointed with Love Is Blind. I’m disappointed because this used to be my favourite show, now I cower with embarrassment just admitting that I still watch it.

It used to be a running joke that every year there would be a god awful man who would reveal his red flags and shock us with his behaviour. But, to my eyes, this repeated format has meant the people suffering most are the women. Do better. If the women who go on Love Is Blind really wanted the type of men on it, they’d just go to a dive bar or Hinge. 

My earliest memory of an aggressive man on Love Is Blind (forgive me if I’ve blocked someone out) is Matt Bolton in season three. At times, he was petrifying to watch. He was aggressive, and lost his temper with Colleen on screen a couple of times. 

He screamed in Colleen’s face when he heard an out-of-context section of a conversation she had with Cole. Colleen was stood in front of him, in tears, and he continued to shout at her. And then Matt phoned Bartise, who was clearly the relationship expert, and shouted about Colleen going out. I’ve never forgotten the image of a terrified Colleen, in their retreat bathroom. 

via Netflix

He appears to have set a dangerous pattern into motion. From then onwards, the show has seemingly had to find someone who would fit this mould every single time. In the recent seasons it’s taken a more sinister turn, with men spouting their “manosphere” ideologies. 

In season 10, Chris Fusco compared himself to Andrew Tate, and then ridiculed a fellow cast member for being “submissive”. He said to a female participant that she would have benefited from a more “dominant” man like him.

And then here we go again. Season 11 was going so well, it was almost as though there was something missing. Oh, what was that you might ask? The show wouldn’t have quite been done until one of the men turned, at the cost of his partner. Enter: Rob Feeley. 

He went from being universally backed with Michaella, to enemy number one over night. When Michaella met up with Rob and his friends, it went sour. The men got drunk, and that was apparently an excuse to turn into a misogynistic waster. One of Rob’s friends asked if Michaella was happy to “jerk Rob off” when he got tired, and thought it acceptable to request if she had OnlyFans. 

He was then refused service by the bar they were filming at, because he appeared to be too drunk. Rob then got visibly angry, and kicked off at producers. He demanded all the mics were removed, more drinks were served, and filming stopped. He shouted at a female producer, assuming the lack of drinks had been her request.  

via Netflix

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The very next day, Rob and Michaella headed to a mixer with the rest of the cast. Again, Rob blew off the handle. He got angry, insisted on speaking to other women, and was shouting at his fellow cast members. When he could see he’d made Sarah upset, and that Michaella was in the toilet crying, he said he “loved it”. 

I do truly believe that the show set out to be a new type of dating experiment, and early couples proved that love really can be blind. But that concept has increasingly slipped, and instead it feels as though producers are trying to push what they think we sat at home are consuming as good “drama”. 

I played devil’s advocate for season after season, thinking it was just a coincidence that the same types of men were rearing their ugly heads throughout the experiment. But now, I can’t help but think it’s a choice to have them there. 

We don’t want this. I don’t want to sit and watch a dating show with it lingering in the back of my mind that female cast members are uncomfortable. I don’t want to watch a woman run off and cry in the toilets at a mixer because a man has shouted in her face. We’re only watching girlhood in its hardest times: The bathroom chats when your best friend is hurting. The apartment visits when she’s breaking down.

via Netflix

In a recent interview, Michaella said that Rob’s outburst was “scary” for her, and she didn’t enjoy being there. Rob has argued he was getting “frustrated” by the cameras, and said he would “never” be aggressive towards a woman. 

Another female cast member launched a lawsuit against the show, claiming she was left to feel like a “prisoner” and called her experience on the show “traumatic”. This cast member claimed that after she met her show partner for the first time, he revealed himself as “broke, jobless, unhoused, violent and addicted to amphetamines and alcohol.” She claimed she was “forced” to spend long periods of time with him, and has alleged he was abusive both on and off camera. 

Drama doesn’t have to mean suffering women. And it’s about time Love Is Blind learned that. Truly the best seasons of the show have had real love, and a good dose of messy, authentic life. Yes, the intensity of the experiment means people don’t always get along. I’m not naive to that. But there’s a line. This doesn’t have to come at the cost of women. 

I want to be able to sit with my girl pals and watch Love Is Blind together again. Is that too much to ask?

The Tab has reached out to Love Is Blind for comment. Love Is Blind is available on Netflix now. For all the latest Netflix news and drops, like The Holy Church of Netflix on Facebook.