The expandemic: How coronavirus is making your ex slide into the DMs
Hereee they come!
Coronavirus isolation can be a boring, lonely and horny time and it’s bringing about a very disturbing trend. Your exes are back and it’s only going to get worse.
Peoples’ DMs are filling up, exes are popping up left, right and centre, a few one night stands are starting to follow you on Instagram and people are even going deep back into their Tinder matches to get some conversation going.
Introducing another unwanted side effect of coronavirus: the expandemic. The expandemic is a new phenomenon and its causing all our exes to come crawling out of the wood work, trying their luck at a second chance at a relationship or a one off quarantine shag.
The expandemic is being experienced by a LOT of us, and the messages are coming from literally every boy.
Your actual ex, the Tinder match you barely exchanged two messages with, the one night stand from Freshers and that fit guy from your seminar. No one is safe from the creeping messages.
Their COVID-19 inspired texts range from suggestions of hanging out, to saying how much they miss you, to a simple check in on how you’re coping with these trying times. Oh and if you’d send them any nudes of course.
Desperate times call for desperate measures and men will use pretty much anything related to the pandemic to try and get into the DMs.
Even with all the time in the world they still can’t come up with a decent line.
The expandemic is taking over everyone’s DM’s and here’s every reason why you’ll be getting a text from your ex before coronavirus is over:
We’re very very bored and scrapping the barrel for things to do
Firstly, everyone is deep into quarantine mode and tried to do a bunch of wholesome isolation activities – we’ve binge watched a few shows, cooked a couple of elaborate dishes and done a deep Marie Kondo tidy sesh.
But its been a long few weeks, we’re bored and will take any distraction we can. Even though speaking to your ex probably isn’t the best idea, trying to start things up again adds a certain level of drama to your otherwise uneventful isolation day.
We want to get laid
Yes sleeping with your ex could open up a can of worms but also, you’ve been there done that and know what you’ll be getting.
You can’t meet someone new because who would risk getting coronavirus off a complete stranger? Madness. But your emotionally dysfunctional ex-boyfriend? He definitely won’t give you corona and seriously make you regret your life choices.
We’re looking for comfort
Despite how much we don’t want to admit it, our exes provide a certain level of comfort and the idea of stability in a panicked and uncertain time.
Dating expert Pricilla Martinez said we look to go back to our ex for immediate reassurance and to be around someone we feel comfortable being vulnerable with.
She said: “If you’re looking for immediate assurance that everything is going to be OK, you’re likely to turn to someone you already know that you’re comfortable displaying that much vulnerability with.”
But she also said to remember not to look for comfort in the place you lost it.
Men will literally use *any* excuse (including a pandemic) to get back in there
We’ve all heard some pretty weak reasons people use to get back with their ex but a global disease that’s killing hundreds really takes it to another level.
And the coronavirus related lines some are using like “is missing you a symptom?” are just pitiful.
A pandemic isn’t going to make me forget you’re almost as toxic as the virus.
The world is ending and it’s made your ex reflect on how they treated you and they want to apologise
Lol no, that couldn’t be it.
Related stories recommended by this writer:
•‘Ready for a shagfest in quarantine’: How coronavirus is affecting sex lives
•The Sun has made up coronavirus sex positions and no one needed this
•People are using coronavirus opening lines on Tinder, and clearly have no shame