The Sun has made up coronavirus sex positions and no one needed this

The Sanitiser Pump anyone?

4 years ago

What we all need during the current pandemic is a bit of light hearted relief, like watching all the best Gogglebox moments over or binge watching Netflix. Or hearing positive stories likes Pret are making hot drinks free for NHS staff and Olivia Bowen is donating the money from her collection to the elderly. What absolutely no one needs right now is The Sun renaming sex positions to be coronavirus themed. Absolutely no one.

Yesterday they published a piece renaming sex positions into COVID-19 puns which weren’t funny and actually pretty gross. They didn’t even invent any positions just rehashed the very basic ones with awful jokes like the Masked Zinger which is just doggy with a mask on.

We’re all either incredibly horny stuck at home, or shacked up with the person we’re sleeping with, and in that case, you’re getting laid regularly and don’t need any help with positions.

These are all the COVID-19 positions absolutely no one asked for:

The Deep Clean

Ew, I actually feel quite violated by this one. It’s basically just missionary with the girl’s legs really straight, allowing the dick to get really deep.

The Masked Zinger

Why is he wearing a mask when his face is nowhere near her??? Anyway this is obviously just doggy with the guy wearing a mask, which may start to become a fetish. Anyone?

Quarantine Quickie

Aka spooning and a horrible use of alliteration.

Covid-69

It’s literally not even 69!!! This position of The Sun’s is essentially a guy going down on a girl whilst she lays on top of him and you know what, I’m actually quite here for this one and may start implementing it.

Corona cowgirl

This pun is just lazy, come on.

VaVaVaccine

Aka girl on top. The Sun has said this position will leave women feeling on top of the world. There’s currently a pandemic going on, but hey, maybe riding a guy will take all that anxiety away?