The votes are in: Durham is officially the lamest uni in the country
Last week, we asked Tab readers to vote for the lamest uni in the country – the institution so undeniably absent of craic you'd legitimately leave it off you UCAS form out of fear going there might transform you into a big smelly nerd.
Thousands of you voted, and The Tab can now reveal Durham University has taken the crown as the lamest university in the country, with a hearty 11.2 per cent of the vote.
If you're a student at Durham or have ever visited mates there, this information will hardly surprise you. Durham is home to the worst nightclub in Europe (a fact which the students there are far too proud of), and "revellers" in Klute finish every night rubbing up againt each other to the soundtrack of "That's Amore" because they think that's how clubbing is meant to work.
The only classic thing Durham has going for it is its annual Charity Fashion Show, which has at least earned it a place in the coveted Holy Trinity of fit unis, but fit people can also be lame and boy are Durham students lame.
When they're not moaning about which Oxbridge college rejected them, they're funnelling all their energy into lame plays, or comparing private schools while flexing their signet ring finger. So give a big hand for Durham, because they have well and truly earned this.
Narrowly missing out on the top spot we have runners-up Warwick, who snagged 8.95 per cent of the vote. Wickers students care about precisely three things: The stupid bus everyone has to get from Leamington to campus, which joyless accountancy job they'll one day end up in, and "circling" which is literally just a name for drinking games. If you want a visual representation of how lame these people are, check out this promotional video their Business Society once made to promote themselves. Yeesh.
York also came close to victory, with 7.97 per cent of the vote leaving them in third place. In a lot of ways third place really becomes York. If unis were ice cream flavours, York wouldn't even be vanilla – they'd just be flavourless cream. Don't forget to vote in their most wholesome fresher competition, guys!
Patting themselves on the back will be Liverpool, Newcastle, and Glasgow. These three netted 0.52, 0.62, and 0.65 per cent of the vote respectively, making them the least lame unis to go to. There's not a lot more to say here other than this is totally accurate.
Other placements of note include Abredeen, who managed to land in the middle of the table despite being named the least fun university to go to by The Daily Mail earlier this year. UCL (2.18 per cent) took the prize for lamest London uni (Royal Holloway [3.88 per cent] placed higher, but they don't count), while King's (1.23 per cent) ended up being the coolest. Cambridge (4.34 per cent) were declared lamer than Oxford (2.17 per cent), which will at least somewhat vindicate the Durham students who were rejected from the latter.