Mullets banned from Exeter University rugby team over ‘links to disruptive behaviour’

Exeter’s rugby players have been banned from having mullet haircuts after the style was linked to disruptive behaviour.

Professor Harriet Bangs, senior analyst at the UK Institute for Sport and Behaviour, found that 92 per cent of mullet owners cause disturbances in everyday situations.

These disturbances include giving “professional” rugby advice to strangers on the street, chanting nonsensical slogans and even reordering traffic cones for no apparent reason.

The Exeter Tab spoke to rugby teams at rival universities. The players confessed they are unable “to distinguish players because all backs now have identical profiles”.

Another player said: “These mullets have made rugby games completely hair-raising. Someone needs to ban the mullets for good.”

An analyst at the University of Exeter, who spoke exclusively to The Exeter Tab, said that “mullet wearers are already statistically 92 per cent more chaotic than the average person, and, when they’re a rugby boy too, that brings it to 100 per cent.

“Students have approached me with concerns about experiencing unexpected dance battles, rugby tackles and excessive fist-bumps in Forum.

“All we want to do is keep the peace on campus and throughout Exeter, and I think banning mullets is the best first step to take.”

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An email from the Director of Student Welfare & Chaos Prevention has been leaked, revealing the conditions of the mullet-ban.

The email explained: “All types of mullet hairstyles will be banned from the Exeter rugby team, effective April 1st 2026″.

Instead of mullets, rugby players will have the chance to choose from three hairstyles that are said to be linked to peacefulness: Buzz cuts, taper fades and perms.

Amanda Collins continued: “While we do not wish to dictate students’ personal style choices, the situation has escalated beyond the point of tolerable chaos, and action must now be taken.”

You should probably check the date, you April fools!

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Featured image via Unsplash and University of Exeter logo