The definitive list of everyone you will live with in Aber

Without a doubt Aberystwyth attracts a slightly different type of student. After all, what normal person would voluntarily go and live in a tiny Welsh coastal town for three years?

If it’s your first time living away from family, the sort of people you move in with can give you a bit of a shock.

The party animal who loves Yoko’s just a little too much

Rowdy

The Big Partier is great fun for a short while. During the first couple of weeks, they’ll guide you through some of the best times you’ll never remember. But when you’re ready to settle into work, they’re still in the Freshers’ Week mentality. While they’ll still be good fun when you do decide to go out, there’s only so many times you can get woken up by them ringing the doorbell because they’ve lost their key, so much vomit you clean up while they’re blissfully passed out in bed and only so many times the house can get wrecked by their predrinking before you start to resent living their very being. But you always forgive them. Every time.

The weird one who never leaves their room

You got to feel sorry for this person. Maybe they just didn’t bond very well at the start of the year, or got put into a flat with very different people, or are harbouring some dark secret from the past that stripped their ability to socialise. Either way, for some reason they just don’t quite fit with the rest of the flat and never will. They prefer to stay in their room, and no-one has ever ventured inside. No doubt they’re perfectly nice people – they’re just cursed as being the one people forget to message to ask if they want to go out or do a flat meal.

The Facebook Politician who thinks they’ll be Prime Minister

‘Putting some junk mail through people’s doors is essential if we want to smash the Austerity Agenda’

This fellow fancies themselves as kindred spirits with Corbyn or Thatcher (depends whether they’re from up north or down south), and won’t shut up about how great/terrible the government is doing. You likely made the mistake of engaging them on the topic when they first brought it up, not realising that they live and breathe politics, despite knowing very little about it. Their Facebook is defaced with rant after rant and their ideal night constitutes staying in and watching a debate on BBC Parliament over council tax.

The shit musician who won’t stfu. Ever.

At least it isn’t drums

Like the Party Animal, you thought when you first moved in with them they were pretty awesome. Maybe they offered to teach you a bit, or played a few covers that you loved. But the novelty quickly wears off. A couple of good covers is great fun when you’ve got nothing better to do, but somewhere after the first dozen times you just want to tell them and their guitar to fuck off.

This is when it gets even worse – you’re sound asleep having got an early night before your 9ams, determined to actually make them for a change, when you get woken up at 4am by a very drunk, very shit rendition of something that would probably sound familiar if they were sober enough to play. You make a mental note not to live with them next year.

The one who won’t stop moaning about Penglais

Yes, we know the hill is long, yes we know you’re tired, no we won’t give you any sympathy.

The one who wants to be Heston Blumenthal

For most students university will be the first time they will be cook their own meals. The Chef, however, doesn’t just cook dinner; they create things of beauty. Or at least they seem like things of beauty when you’ve been eating instant noodles and tinned curry for two weeks.

They’re the ones who suggest cooking a Christmas meal together, or going splits on a joint of beef from the butchers. If you’re lucky they might show you how to create some delicious meals, or even feed you every now and then. If you’re unlucky, they’re just going to fill the flat with the smell of meals that take longer than five minutes to make while you cry into your Pot Noodle.

The one who just won’t stop stressing about their essay even though it’s due in two weeks and wants to make everyone else as stressed as them

You barely even know when you’re own deadlines are, yet you know every essay and due date The Stresser has because they won’t shut about how stressed they are about it. The can actually pretty good to live with due to their procrastination cleaning and cake making, but turn into monsters who post very public breakdowns on Facebook when the pressure gets too much. Chill out, man.

The one who steals things

The worst thing about the thief is that most the time, you have no idea who it is. They’re sneaky – maybe a couple beers go missing, or you run through milk a bit quicker than expected. They probably think that nobody notices, but they do and it just gives the whole flat a hostile atmosphere.