Here are the 16 Warwick library stereotypes, we guarantee you’re one of them

Warning: You’re about to get profiled

Ahhh, the University of Warwick Library- otherwise known as the second ugliest building on campus.

It’s home to bookshelves labelled like Elon Musks’ children, floors that sound like algebra terms (as an English Lit student, I find 2x and 3x immensely triggering) and, of course, Warwick students with hangovers, overdue assignments, and nothing but last week’s milk in their fridge.

The library is most students’ default study space, unless you like getting your money’s worth out of your accom, so it’s natural we’ve evolved (or regressed) into 16 library stereotypes. Next time you’re “doing work” in the library, grab a friend and play Weirdos in the Warwick Lib Bingo and try to spot each of these stereotypes in our beautifully hideous library.

1. The First-timer

The library virgins are easy to spot; they do the classic “Where’s My ID Card” panic dance upon entry, follow the elevator crowd onto floor three and secure themselves the nearest available seat. Don’t forget to bring protection (against covid ofc). 

2. The Cold Bum

POV: You’ve finally dragged yourself out of bed for a library study sesh only to be met with students packed together like its Tuesday’s Smack queue. We’ve all experienced the embarrassment of doing laps around the floor, then becoming self-conscious and feigning interest in a bookshelf unrelated to your degree or faking a call as you rethink your life choices, suddenly believe in god and pray for a free seat. 

I’m getting second-hand embarrassment just thinking about this. 

3. The All-nighter (aka they’ve reached rock bottom) 

Procrastination has led you to experience the five stages of “Fuck, my unfinished assignment is due tomorrow.”

Firstly, productivity hits. You manage a few hundred words, before stage two- you get bored, take a break, get distracted, still on break.

Next, you think you should drop out of uni and become TikTok famous. Don’t even try to deny it, we’ve all had the same thought. Sadly reality slaps you round the face and in your deep depression, you finish all your snacks in a record time, otherwise known as stage four.

Finally, the caffeine hits and you waffle like your life depends on it (it does if you have strict parents).

You know you’re at a low when you whip out the Red Bull

4. The Megaphone

These people’s default volume settings are maxed out. They aren’t programmed to whisper, and so broadcast their personal life to the whole floor. I don’t need to hear your call, I’m trying to be Keeping Up With My Assignments, not Keeping Up With Your Mum.

5. Cringey Couples

I was once stuck near a couple who were talking about each other’s toilet habits. Bit of a shit situation to be in… *pun intended*

On the rare occasion you’re in the mood to work, ofc the sounds of smooching and baby talk interrupts your flow. The library is for actual work, not Rihanna’s definition of work.

Honestly, when are you guys gon’ learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn?

6. The Aesthetic Queen 

You know exactly who you are: fifth floor “look at the sky” girls who fight for those window seats, just to use up half their phone’s storage romanticising their pastel highlighters, cold Starbucks latte, and MacBook Pro under the sunset.  

Gurl, you tryna become a content creator for the Warwick uni library?

I can’t bring my phone to the library anymore bc I’ll just get distracted by the view. oops.

7. The Picnicker

The ratio of food to work supplies is shocking- this person probably has enough food to last another pandemic. In fact, they were deffo one of those panic buyers in the first lockdown, hoarding bog roll and kilogram bags of penne.

And no, this is not your sign to make a “✨Library Picnic Date with the Bestie 💖🍓📚✨” tiktok.

8. Musical Chairs

Might as well get our money’s worth out of uni and try every seat in the library.

Some days, finding the right seat is like trying to find “the one.” I can guarantee people who change seats more frequently than Khloe Kardashian changes her face are also the ones with a long list of icks.

I’ve learnt I have to be in a well lit room with minimal noise, facing a wall and be sitting like I’m social distancing from the rest of humanity as I have the attention span of an excitable dog.

9. The Over-prepared

If the library had showers and the Starbucks was open at all hours, these people would check-in for a five-night stay for sure. Their luggage consists of a rucksack (or a suitcase) stuffed with a tree’s worth of paper, two laptops, a laptop stand, half their course’s textbooks, three different chargers, headphones, a three-course meal, a litre bottle of water, AND some cheeky Tequila shots in case times get tough. 

(Times are always tough when you’re in Cov 😔)

definition of extra

10. Floor One & Two folk

Home to the group project/study group/iwannagetdistractedandnotdoworktoday folk. Idk how you guys can work there- in peak times it’s like the Learning Grid without the “Rootes” legacy. However, if you manage to get a booth, you’ve won that same smug feeling Bluebell residents get when they advertise their boujee accom. 

11. The tinnitus trigger-er 

No point in wearing your earphones when I can hear every lyric of your music across the room through my own headphones. Like bro, you’re not Disco Dave. 

12. ‘I promise it’s not Covid’

Now Covid is here for the foreseeable future, these people can be spotted desperately trying to stifle their coughs under their masks before choking and crying, whilst everyone within two meters shuffles nervously and surreptitiously reach for their own masks. 

You all look better with your masks on btw

13. Yo Mama so fat she takes up three desks

They’ve got a desk reserved for their bag, coat, textbooks and future children. Urm, sharing is caring? However, respect the unspoken rule during off-peak times and leave a seat between each person.

Introverts: no, you cannot have a whole row to yourself. 

14. Nap Time

You went to Kasbah, slept at five in the morning and and had a lecture across campus at nine. Winning at life. Half hungover, the library’s desks and chairs are the closest thing resembling your bed. 

According to the reliable source of my guesstimate, 90 per cent of students have experienced rereading the same line for the past hour with our eyes half shut and yawning every five seconds (never skip jaw day💪)  

If you’re part of the 10 per cent with an actual sleep schedule, please share your secrets, I’ll give you some of my mum’s food 😉. 

15. Netflix without the chill

What a better way to binge your fave series than in the comfort of the uncomfortable library chairs and the ambience of stress. As Jules from Euphoria said: “I don’t think I have an attention span for real life anymore”.

Same girl.

Worth a shot 🥲

16. The hopeless romantic 

This person is desperate to become an irl book character. You can find them having a main character moment at peak times; smouldering studiously as they try to lock eyes with the Pretty Boy who is also smouldering studiously at the library staff who are also smouldering studiously as they tell him to put his mask on for the third time.

They are definitely the ones submitting Tab crushes and Warwickfessions about themselves and their library crush in a pathetic attempt to find their soulmate. But come on, falling in love in the lib is deffo NOT a meet-cute.

*cries into my childhood fantasies*

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