Every type of person you’ll meet this results day

Results are slowly starting to trickle out (as if Warwick would ever do anything on time) and everybody is resuming their usual results day stereotypes. We’ve seen them since GCSE and, whether you are a fresher or a finalist, they will be no different.

These are the people that either tear you down or fill you with hope and joy, on that dreaded day. And whether you’ve already had the pleasure of seeing them, or this is a reminder of what’s to come, you can expect to see all these stereotypes on results day.

The sobber

Everyone’s nervous, that’s understandable. After all, either you worked your socks off and you’ll be pissed off if you haven’t got that mark you really wanted. Or, you spent the revision period in Smack and your bed and you’re praying you still managed to skim that mighty 40 per cent.

But there’s always the one person who buckles under the pressure. First they start sobbing and, as much as you just want to pick up your results and move on with your day, you put your own feelings aside and spend a futile minute trying to console them.

Once they decide that they cannot possibly go over and collect those marks and, instead you must simply sit an appropriate 10 metres from the lists, panicking for the next hour, that’s when you give in. You didn’t sit on a bus all the way from Leamington for this shit, you just want to get your results and move on.

The cocky one

This is probably the same person that posted their revision on both their Snapchat and their Instagram stories. They always start the discussion in seminars and always have questions in lectures.

Either they know that they’ve smashed that 1st or they’ll lie and say they have anyway because their sole aim in life is to make you feel like shit, simply because they need the reassurance that they have done well.

This is probably the most annoying of the results day group because they just can’t seem to keep their mouth shut. Avoid these people at all costs and, if you don’t know them, it’s probably you. So do us all a favour and just don’t be a dick this time, please.

The outright liar

They’ve had a 1st in every piece of coursework, turned up to every lecture, and the seminar tutor is in love with them. They know full well that they’ve smashed it and so do you. Yet they insist on claiming that they’ve definitely failed, or max, got a 2.2.

This person is always over-dramatic because, after all, they’ve got to make it convincing and obviously, by repeatedly crying out that they failed and they’re going to get kicked out, they can maximise on the sympathy.

The drunk one

This person, on the other hand, is certain that they’ve failed. They spent exam season drunk, high or asleep, and this is probably the first time you’ve seen them actually enter an academic building in the university.

This is the person that gives you hope that actually, no matter how bad you think exams went, your results won’t be as bad as theirs. If you are one of these people, thank you, I will be forever grateful.

The quiet one

We’ve all experienced this. As you walk into your respective building, you at least recognise everyone walking in with you, since you have just spent the year together.

But there’s always that one that turns up, probably in a sweatshirt and joggers, who nobody has ever seen. This person hasn’t left their room all year, not even to go to Pop! and, looking around, you see that everybody else is looking as confused as you are to see this stranger enter the room.

Obviously you hope that everybody has/will do well this results season. But, if you are one of those annoying people that makes this day one hundred times more painful than it needs to me, don’t be surprised if our sympathy for you is rather limited.