Don’t pretend to be original, your jokes are just as lame as everyone else’s

Originality is dead

Everyone thinks their group of mates’ in-jokes are hilarious and original. They are not. And you are about as original as a cheeky Nando’s.

Internet sensations  


We all have access to the exact same internet sensations, therefore when you respond to every question with “don’ care”, you are embodying the very concept of unoriginality. If you want some over used quotes, every uni student will “give it yerrr”.

Claim/odds on/eyebrows



Shock: we all play them. Odds on you downing that pint: good one. I could eat a whole bag of Doritos. Claim. I’m definitely going to all my lectures next week. Eyebrows.

For the love of god, please think of some more original claims/odds on/eyebrows. Please.

Fucking flatmates 

whoes banged who?

Who’s banged who? Answers in the post

Shocking when those two – of all people – got down to it, wasn’t it? Just as shocking as it was in everyone else’s friendship group when this same thing happened at the same time to everyone.

Despite all the warnings about shitting where you eat, inevitably, two or definitely more of your flat mates will hook up. It will be the source of hours of amusement and also awkwardness. Jokes surrounding the changing of marital names are always classic, perhaps followed up with a hilarious question about dick size.

‘I Do What I Want’

"Bought a bottle of Champerz at the bowling alley, I do what I want." Right, good choice.

‘Bought a bottle of champerz at the bowling alley, I do what I want’

You’ve probably already said it once today, haven’t you?

Bad Bitches 


This lad has a fucking problem

Oh you loved Bad Bitches last year? So did every other club going student. It’s your fucking problem, keep it to your fucking self.

Side man 

Every group of mates has their Side Man. Urban Dictionary defines a Side Man as “an irrelevant and powerless guy, also known as a ‘flowerman’ and shows signs of ‘moist’ and ‘soggy’ behaviour”.

The lad that always goes to get the beers from the fridge. The lad whose round it always is. The lad who had to ride in the boot during that road trip. Someone has already popped into your head, you’ve considered linking them this but then re-thought it and decide you can’t be arsed. They’re literally too much of a Side Man for such effort to be wasted on them. If you can’t think who the Side Man is then this is probably you mate. Don’t worry though, every group of uni friends has one. Although still, no one rates you.

So you’re thinking, so what if we all share jokes? We do what we want. Point proven, my friend. Point proven.