The Warwick Library Floor Guide

In the immortal words of Janis Ian, ‘where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial.’ Well, this may not be NorthShore High school or a cafeteria, but finding your place in the Library is essential. It’s the beginning of Term 2 and the library is already busier than the Smack basement on a Tuesday night. To help you find the perfect floor for you, here is The Tab’s definitive Floor by Floor guide.

Floor 2:

For all the BNOCs who want to seem sociable, but can’t deny their inner-geek. Expect vacuous conversation and laughter broadcast for the entire floor to hear. Make sure to congratulate them on just how popular they are whilst passing through. And their fifteen hundred internships.

Lovin life

Stinks of: Hot air

Floor 3:

Dominated by Humanities students, often known as “the pretentious lot”. Look out for girls who were just vomited up by their local branch of Urban Outfitters. Extra points for spotting noses piercings and philosophical tattoos accrued on gap years spent travelling through Thailand. The ever-edgy guys wear oversized jumpers bought from Loot, brogues and thick rimmed glasses that they may or may not need -all in the name of irony of course. Expect them to pop outside every half hour to smoke a roll-up or discuss the thematic significance of the last sentence they just read.

How alternative

Stinks of:  Fag ends and second-hand clothing.

Floor 4:

The realm of international students. Try not to trip over combinations of plug adapters so complex they have the potential to knock out the National Grid. Floor Four is also the home of overly enthusiastic Law and Business School students. Intense corporate promotion in the form of Ernst & Young hoodies and PwC notebooks is likely to arouse feelings of inadequacy. Standard attire is bright chinos, loafers and anything Ralph Lauren.

Seriously what is this?

Stinks of: Money.

Floor 5:

You might have thought floor five acted as a sort of nature reserve for sporty types fit enough to hike up the four flights of stairs, free to frolic with other well-toned thighs and six-packs.

Wrong.

With 100% guilt-free lift use, Floor Five sees more muffin-tops than any other.

Healthy

Stinks of: Illegal snacking, low self-esteem and resentment for missing out on the lower floor seats.

For those who noticed the absence of Floor 1, well, there’s nothing particularly wrong with it. With no student-course dominance, Floor 1 is the home of the relaxed. Full permission to eat, drink, read a newspaper, return a book or two – what’s not to love? Aside from those crappy 20 minute computers.