The Seven Deadly Sins of Bus Travel

For many of you fresh piglets, and even for you second year seasoned piglets, regular bus travel may be a first. The Tab is here to lay down the 7 worst offences you could commit on your bus journey to and from the bubble.

1)   NEVER catch anyone’s eye on the bus.

Almost nothing else could be more awkward than catching someone’s eye on the bus. It’s difficult to pin down why it’s weird, but it just is. In order to be successful at avoiding eye contact completely, stare blankly and aimlessly out of the window, the sort of look you give at kebab shops when you’re asked which sauce.

If only buses were always this empty…no risk of awkward eye contact here

2)   NEVER take up more than one seat.

We’ve all been there. You really want to sit down but someone has left their bag on the seat or is sat with their legs preposterously wide apart, taking up two seats. Unless you’ve got a bag full of diamonds or a massive pair of bollocks this isn’t acceptable – don’t be a wanker.

Nice bag, but just no

3)   NEVER pass wind on the bus.

This one may seem straightforward but there’s always one. Top tips for avoiding this include not eating so much cheese. If it has to happen, make sure you stand near someone who has the ‘I fart a lot’ look about them (we all know what that is) so you can blame it on them.

4)   NEVER sit on the bus post POP.

If I wanted to be surrounded by imbeciles I would have moved to Wales.

5)   NEVER avoid saying ‘thank you’ to the bus driver

If you don’t it’s simple: you’re a twat.

Suavest bus driver you’ll ever see

6)   NEVER take anything but exact change on the bus

Remember that you’re not going to get any change on national express buses. Welcome to the Midlands… it’s shit. The bus drivers obviously use the extra money on an exclusive Shades membership.

Could be worse, you could have to count out coppers

7)   NEVER underestimate the time it takes to get onto campus.

We’ve all been there: “Yeah mate, I’ll be on campus in 20 minutes”. 45 minutes later you finally arrive on campus. Being late is for the winkle picker wearing Parisian prick. Don’t be that guy…

Finally, it’s important to take into account that on average most students will spend 6 hours a week and 180 hours a year (at least!) commuting from Leamington to Campus and back, so don’t forget to use your time constructively, for example, trying to figure out who it was on the bus that farted.