You’ve probably got Chlamydia

Warwick is kicking around the bottom of the league in new sexual health report.

Warwick is almost bottom of the class for sexual health among all top unis, a study has shown.

The survey by online doctor, Dr Ed, ranked Warwick a laughable eighteenth among Russell Group unis for measures such as contraception and testing.

Cleverly aping the grading system used at uni, the sexual health ‘report card’ gave us a bottom-of-the-range Third, with just 49 marks out of 100.

The news confirms the long-held suspicion that Leamington is a hotbed of pregnancy and sexual infections. The graduate recruiters who love us so much might not be so keen after this revelation.

And it also lays the blame squarely with the university, for failing to provide much-needed support. The report gives us an A for sexual health information on campus, but a lowly F for access to contraception.