The struggles of living in Park Village

Park Village is one of Sussex's most affordable on-campus halls. As a tenant, this literally saves your bank account, at the price of your well-being and sanity. Like anything, you'll become accustomed to the poverty that is Park Village, until the day everything changes…when you visit your friend's luxury Northfield flat.

As much as those better off complain, it's common knowledge that only East Slopers and Park Villagers know how to truly 'slum it' at the University of Sussex.

Falling apart

It’s an old place. Apart from one flat previously being used as a brothel, it’s a mystery what’s actually occurred inside the rotting walls of Park Village over the past half a century. Most tenants may have heard rumours about their room’s previous inhabitant, their weird mannerisms of urinating in the sink or even worse.

Just a bit crusty

As a Park Villager, it’s almost impossible to forget the fact that your room has been occupied by over 40 students, as everything’s falling apart and their mouldy stains are all over your walls. Inevitably you’re faced with a constant stream of builders and porters in and out of your flat, fixing things just for them to break a week later.

Lack of continuity

If there’s anything Park Village lacks it’s continuity. Either the entire accommodation worked on a trial and error basis or the university couldn’t afford to install the same furniture in each flat, who knows.

Some flats were blessed with the luxury of big boards, under sink cabinets and large mirrors, whilst others are destined for failure, kitted out with B-Tech versions of these features. We’re all paying the same price, but it’s a Russian roulette which Park Village flat you will live in. They range from absolutely pure hell on campus to not awful, take your pick.

Non-existent furniture

There's nothing more classic Park Village than eating dinner on the floor, on your lap. Who needs chairs and tables anyway? Not students!

Wave good-bye to hosting wild pre drinks, Park Villagers have to depressingly play 'ring of fire' on the floor. Instead, go to your mate's flat in East Slope for a crazy night and enjoy the luxury of a table and chairs. It's far better having to face the embarrassment of introducing friends to your accommodation, and having to repeat the same line: "ha ha it's a shit hole don't judge".

Dodgy washing facilities

Every fresher experiences a shock to the system when you realise that your parent will no longer wash your clothes.

Park Villagers have to wait forever for a machine, trek back and forth to collect clothes and fork out £4.50 for a wash and dry. The struggle is real when the faulty tumble dryers decide to break, so you end up just taking all your dirty washing home for your parents to wash instead.

Families

Whose idea was it to place the family flats next to the weirdest kids on campus? On our part, it’s not ideal being given the evils when you’re out and about in your dressing gown, or when you look like an absolute mess after a heavy night out. As for the parents, surely one of their main priorities should be to keep their children as far away from rowdy students as possible.

The reality is that they don’t accept the ‘student life’ and we certainly don’t understand them. After all, screaming noises at 8am should be kept to a minimum, always.

Shared bathrooms

“Bagsee shower first” is probably one of the most used phrases in a Park Village flat. In a flat of 12, hair in the plug hole accumulates at a disgusting rate, and there’s always at least one flatmate who takes 30 minute long showers or washes at 3am.

The worst news you could ever break to a Park Villager would be “one of your showers is broken”. Every flat has probably had this tragic experience, meaning that all 12 of you have to unhygienically rely on the remaining shower.

However, despite the hardships us Park Villagers face daily, we can forever hold on to the fact that we’re in slightly less debt than our peers in luxury accommodation.